


How to convince your annoying assistant of the supernatural, a guide by Hououin Kyouma

by wereturtlerin



Category: Steins;Gate
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Nothing serious though, POV Multiple, Story within a Story, Unreliable Narrator, Vampires, actually, and failing partway because everyone wants to contribute, at least he succeeds in annoying Kurisu, basically Okabe trying to tell the labmems a story, if you squint hard enough there could be slight violence and drama, let's blame it on whatever worldline they're currently in, probably nothing is explained logically, there is not a single serious thing in the whole story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 03:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16508636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wereturtlerin/pseuds/wereturtlerin
Summary: Kurisu clearly wasn’t amused by all of this.Not only did Okabe claim she became a vampire in some other worldline, no, it happened apparently becauseshe learned how to cook, and worst of all, she would wear a black cape of her own free will!?”OBJECTION!”, Kurisu screamed and pointed her index finger in front of Okabe’s face. She didn’t even care if she used memes anymore.That was how desperately Kurisu wanted this vampire garbage to end.





	1. The assistant cannot cook

**Author's Note:**

> Behold, Steins;Gate fandom!  
> My first fanfiction has arrived!  
> Here, I present to you, the outcome of my constant craving for stupid humor and fluff after the grief Steins;Gate 0 brought to me. The approach of Halloween might have inspired the overall theme, as you will notice.  
> If you're searching for a serious fanfiction with an accurate use of the worldlines and Reading Steiner... Run. Run away as fast as your virtual legs can manage!  
> However, if you're still here, I hope you'll enjoy the constant bickering of the characters in their attempt to convince our poor assistant of her vampiric nature.  
> Let's begin!

It began like one of many normal days at the Future Gadget Laboratory.

The world was safe.

No one died.

No one would die anytime soon.

The great Hououin Kyouma had made sure of that. To get where he was now, it had cost him a great amount of sacrifice and pain, a burden only he was able to carry, and he was glad it had turned out like this.  
  
Everything was normal.  
  
  
Mayuri sat in her corner of the couch, fiddling with some kind of cape, no doubt belonging to a more or less well known anime character.

Daru was in front of his computer, sipping something that looked like an energy drink out of a drinking straw, complete with the occasional ‘Ooo, yeah!’ and ‘Aaa, but Yuko-chaaan!’.  
  
Hououin Kyouma could not care less which eroge game his right hand man was playing right now because there were more important matters that needed his focus.  
  
Like the abomination of food and/or a living organism sent to destroy earth right in front of his nose, delivered by his assistant and/or zombie without sense of taste and an unnerving smile plastered across her features.  
  
A smile of impending doom.  
  
  
Maybe Hououin Kyouma had been wrong. Under his graceful facade he was but a mere boy known under the name of Okabe Rintaro after all. He could err sometimes. Once or twice a year.  
Maybe he had been wrong assuming that no one would die today.  
  
  
”And… What exactly… Is this?”, he carefully asked his opponent known as Christina.  
  
If he made one wrong move, there would be blood.  
  
  
”I’m dissappointed in you, Okabe. I thought that, as a Japanese man, you would have at least seen _sushi_ before”, she answered, her smile never leaving her face.  
  
  
Okabe gulped.  
He had indeed seen sushi before.  
  
But sushi normally didn’t grow legs and ran away from you when you tried to touch it. It also didn’t give off this kind of deathly aura, like it had been radioactively contaminated.  
  
  
”My dear Christina…”, Okabe tried again, sweat already drenching his lab coat, “I know what sushi looks like. And what can I say, _this_ is something entirely different.”  
  
The Zombie still didn’t drop her smile as she went on: “I used different ingredients here and there. I thought, ‘Why on earth would I need this much rice anyway?’. Also, it would have been boring not to try and improve the recipe a tiny little bit.”  
  
”Maybe it would have been edible before”, Okabe stated bluntly.  
  
”What was that?”, Christina asked him, her mouth quivering with a hint of anger for less than a second.  
  
  
Hououin Kyouma had to do it. He couldn’t protect himself anymore but he just had to tell her. May he be remembered.  
His life was too short.  
He died a hero.  
To save mankind.  
  
  
”What I’m trying to say is…”, Okabe took a deep breath, “ASSISTANT! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME WITH… THIS!? YOU CAN’T EVEN CALL THIS FOOD ANYMORE!”  
  
Mayuri looked up from her needlework and observed the scene unfolding in the middle of the lab. She genuinely hoped she hadn’t forgotten to bring any pieces of fabric out of the danger zone surrounding Kurisu and Okabe.  
  
”Okabeeeee…”, Kurisu let a low growl escape her mouth, then she went into attack mode, “I WAS ONLY TRYING TO BE NICE! I’M GOING OUT OF MY WAY PREPARING FOOD FOR YOU AND ALL YOU DO IS CRITICIZE ME!”  
  
Even Daru turned around. His headphones couldn’t cover up the intensity of the argument anymore, so he paused the game and continued to sip his drink like he was at the cinema.  
  
It had been a normal day so far.  
  
Kurisu still couldn’t cook.  
Okabe complained about being her taste tester.  
They fought.  
Completely normal.  
  
  
But then Okabe said something out of the ordinary: “Okay, fine! I will eat it! But only after you ate a piece of it, too! I shall consume every little bit on this plate _if_ you eat a cubic centimeter worth of your own cooking! DEAL!?”  
  
He held out his hand between the two of them, expecting her to decline the offer.

But Kurisu didn’t.  
  
In the heat of the argument, she shook his hand and shouted: “DEAL!”  
  
After that, silence followed.  
  
Okabe just stood there, mouth hanging open, bracing himself for the impact that surely had to come somehow after his assistant sat down.  
  
Mayuri and Daru both forgot how to breathe for a moment and also stared wide eyed at Kurisu who cut off a tiny piece of the unidentifiable object and let it hover in front of her mouth.  
  
Her hand trembled.  
  
Hououin Kyouma smiled. He had won. The Zombie would finally get a taste of her own medicine! Even if he was to die afterwards, they would both go down together!  
  
But…

Kurisu let her fork with the piece of inedible food sink down again, without tasting it.  
  
  
”Huh!?”, Okabe exclaimed, “What’s the matter, Christina? Too afraid to taste death?”

His smile froze as he saw her hanging her head.  
Her proud posture slumped.

 “I know…”, Kurisu whispered, “I already know. There’s no need to rub it in.”

 Okabe was speechless. He definitely hadn’t expected _that_!  
  
  
”Chris-chan?”, Mayuri chipped in, “Don’t be sad! Mayushii is not good at making food either! Together, Mayushii is sure of it, we’ll be able to do it one day! Right, Okarin? You think so too, don’t you?”

Lab member 001 nodded slowly and grinned far too wide to not look awkward… He didn’t want to crush any dreams but he knew better. As long as they remained in this worldline, probably none of them would learn how to cook properly.  
It was the choice of Steins Gate.  
  
Why Steins Gate chose something so unfavourable for him however, was still beyond his understanding.

 “I just can’t get it right! Whatever I try, it always ends in failure!”, Kurisu exclaimed and let her hands ruffle her bangs.  
  
”Nooooowwww, Miss Makise, there is no need to worry. Even a high class tsundere can’t have all stats at 100%. You’re good at science and you fail at being housewife material. You can’t have it all”, Daru gave his advice.

”I’ve made up my mind”, she finally said and stood up, fist raised into the air.

Oh no.

Everything starting like that had good potential to turn into chaos afterwards.

 Kurisu shouted triumphantly: “From today on, I’ll learn how to cook!”

 “Oooooooooh!”, Daru and Mayuri let out and applauded as if the young neuroscientist had held an exposition about the great functionality of gel bananas.  
  
”NOOOOOOOOO!”, Okabe screamed at the top of his lungs.

He had seen it coming.

Today was one of _those_ days after all.  
  
  
”What the heck, dude?”, Daru asked in confusion, “I thought you’d appreciate Miss Makise’s decision!?”

Even Mayuri looked sad while saying: “That wasn’t very nice of you, Okarin! Chris-chan is trying her best, you can’t stop her when she hasn’t even started yet!”  
  
Kurisu’s crossed arms accompanied with a glare that could freeze even tropical waters were warning signs Okabe couldn’t ignore if he wanted to live another day.  
So, he had to explain himself.  
  
”Look, your fighting spirit is really admirable, Christina… But just this once, would you please give up?”, the mad scientist told her in a weirdly serious tone.

 “What? Why would I!?”, his assistant snapped at him, “Just decide already! Do you want me to learn or not? You’re contradicting yourself!”  
  
”It’s not that easy, okay!?”, Okabe shouted back, “It’s not like you haven’t tried before!”  
  
  
Silence.

He froze. Did he say something he better shouldn’t have?  
  
  
”What… Do you mean by that, exactly?”, Kurisu asked him curiously, raising an eyebrow. His assistant was a clever one, no doubt did she already suspect what was going on behind his sweaty forehead.  
  
”I… Uuuuh…”, the great Hououin Kyouma muttered. He had days like these, too, sometimes.  
  
”Don’t tell me…”, his assistant went on, shifting her pose so that her hands moved to her hips, “Does this have something to do with the different worldlines you talked about? And the so-called ‘attractor field’?”  
  
  
The mad scientist gulped. The Zombie had exposed him again.  
How rude.  
  
  
”Are you really trying to tell me that the world prevents me from learning how to cook!? That’s absurd! There’s no way that can be true!”, Kurisu finished, looking exasperated.  
  
Okabe didn’t hesitate to answer: “Yes! Exactly! I don’t know why, but that seems to be the case! Please don’t try again, there are only other horrible possibilities that could happen if you do!”  
  
Mayuri couldn’t say she knew what was going on but she definitely saw the sincerity in her childhood friend’s words.  
So she added: “Mayushii kinda believes Okarin.”  
  
Daru furrowed his brows. Different world lines? Attractor field? Those words rang a distant bell inside his brain but he just couldn’t put his finger on it.  
”Please explain what in the world you’re talking about, would you? Not everyone of us can follow your weird fantasies, you know?”, the super hacker whined.  
  
”Yes, please explain yourself. What are the ‘other horrible possibilities’ you talked about?”, Kurisu asked, although a little more hesitant than before.  
  
  
The great Hououin Kyouma sighed.  
”You wouldn’t believe me if I told you… But, well… You could say I tried several times to escape those horrid cooking experiences caused by your hands, assistant. It didn’t end up like I hoped it would. I mean, you learning how to make food would need an even bigger impact so you couldn’t serve it anymore, and…”, he trailed off.  
  
Kurisu’s glare was completely gone. Instead, she actually looked a little frightened for a change and whispered: “L-like what…?”  
  
”Well…”, Okabe mumbled, “Like you, Christina, losing your sense of taste completely, I mean, _really_ , you couldn’t discern the different flavors anymore… Or… That one time where there was no food to be found anymore, like, _in whole Akihabara_ … Or… The time where you accidentally bit off-… No, that was gross…”  
  
  
The faces of the lab members were priceless. Exept Mayuri’s, that is.  
She looked the same as always.  
  
  
”But”, Okabe concluded, “one of the times I screwed up most was probably the one where-…”  
  
Daru, Kurisu and Mayuri each held their breaths.  
The neuroscientist actually wasn’t so sure anymore if she really wanted to know how that sentence ended. It was like an accident, though.  
She couldn’t avert her eyes and ears.  
  
”Mmmmmmh”, Okabe, no, Hououin Kyouma suddenly made and then laughed his well known crazy laugh: “WHAHAHAHAHAHA! Behold! Fear and worship the great Hououin Kyouma for the monster I have created! Listen to my marvelous master plan to plunge the world into despair and chaos! Having tried out every other possibility, Steins Gate had no choice but to resume to something utterly ridiculous to keep Christina away from mortal human food! I, a genius mind like Dr. Frankenstein, grabbed this chance to turn my dear assistant into-…”  
  
The mad scientist with the intellect of Newton and Einstein together made a dramatic pause.  
  
”An allergic person?”, Daru suggested.  
  
Okabe nodded once and went on: “Not bad, my right hand man. If this had been the case, she wouldn’t have been able to touch any food either. The answer is _WRONG_ , though! As if my evil mind would find rest, knowing such a lame outcome. NO! I turned Christina-… _Accidentally_ , let it be said, but only results matter in the end…”  
  
”JUST SPIT IT OUT!”, Kurisu shouted and thought at the same time: ‘ _If he says_ ‘zombie’, _I’ll personally exchange his spinal cortex_ _with mercury.’_  
  
”I TURNED HER INTO A _VAMPIRE_!” Okabe finished dramatically and stretched both arms into the air, awaiting confetti of silver and gold to rain down on him.  
  
It never came, though.  
Rude.

A collective sigh could be heard.  
They didn’t believe him.  
  
”Dude, if I wanted to watch a bad horror movie, I would have started ‘SEW’ right now. It isn’t even Halloween yet. Nor April 1st”, Daru explained in a tired manner.

“Supa hacka! Your ability to choose the right movie is horrible as always! It was in no way like ‘SEW’!”, Okabe complained, “’SEW’ doesn’t have a scientist girl turned vampire in their cast! You better watch ‘The League of Unusual Ladies’ to broaden your horizon!”  
  
”Mayushii saw that one too!”, Mayuri exclaimed enthusiastically, completely ignoring (or being unable to read) the mood, “Now that Mayushii thinks of it, didn’t the vampire lady also wear the white lab coat and red tie? What a coincidence!”  
  
”Yes, yes! It must have been the choice of Steins Gate all along! Mayuri, you’re on the right track, I’m proud of you. I mean, of course you believe me, you were the one who created that black cape-thingy for Christina when she was afraid the sunlight might destroy her deathly paleness”, Okabe ranted.  
  
”Ooooooh!”, Mayuri exclaimed thrilled, “Something like that cape I’m working on right now? Like this, Okarin?”  
  
  
She showed off her latest creation and Okabe clapped in approval, even Daru began imagining Kurisu with black clothing, the goth style fitting perfectly with her white skin and evil tsundere scowl.

Kurisu clearly wasn’t amused by all of this.  
Not only did Okabe claim she became a vampire in some other worldline, no, it happened apparently because she _learned how to cook_ , and worst of all, she would wear a black cape of her own free will!?

There was a limit to how much nonsense you could expose Makise Kurisu to before she snapped and proved everything wrong out of habit.  
  
  
”OBJECTION!”, Kurisu screamed and pointed her index finger in front of Okabe’s face. She didn’t even care if she used memes anymore.  
That was how desperately Kurisu wanted this vampire garbage to end.  
  
”Everything you told me up until now is not making any sense! I won’t believe you when you confuse fantasy with reality, Okabe Rintaro! There are no vampires in this world, they don’t exist! And even if they did, it would be unlikely for me becoming their victim only because I wanted to cook something! And even then I wouldn’t believe I had become a vampire and would probably die with the arrival of the first sun rays, if you can even believe the stories. And not even then would I wear a cape! NEVER!”, the neuroscientist rambled without taking breaths between each sentence which lead to her wheezing at the end of her speech.  
  
”Well, well, dear assistant… I knew you would need some time to be convinced. Time to acknowledge the _sluuuuumbering beeeast_ inside of you”, Okabe began and ignored the now angrier wheezes coming from his assistant.  
  
Sitting down on the couch, the mad scientist motioned for everyone to join him as he was about to tell the tale of his misadventures in another worldline.  
  
  
”Now, where shall we begin… I think it started like always: CelebSev tried to kill us with something inedible”, Okabe told them, again ignoring his assistant’s growl, “Then, she had the glorious idea to learn cooking as quickly as possible. Bad luck, ‘cause I decided on this day to introduce everyone to a new lab member… Labmem 009…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my native language, I might add. If there are any mistakes or weird sentences, it's probably because of that. Or because I'm weird. Heheh.  
> You have been warned...


	2. The assistant is a cheater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on, the perspective will switch from the 'current worldline' to 'another worldline' quite often, which is basically the story Okabe tells them.  
> So, 'current worldline': Present.  
> 'Another worldline': Dumb stuff he ' _remembers_ '.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**

 

It kinda looked like… Death.  
Well…  
A perfect test subject for creating diseases to wipe out everyone opposing the Future Gadget Laboratory!  
…

Probably.

  
Okabe Rintaro wasn’t sure if it would be one of his best ideas to hold the mangy street cat that close to his face and lowered his arms a little.  
Yeah, that was right, the same damn kitten that had been staring at him accusingly for about a week or so, always begging him to take pity. The great Hououin Kyouma could ignore any cry for help coming from those inferior citizens… But not a kitten!

  
Also, never before in his life had he seen an animal that spooky, as if it had climbed out of a horror movie all by itself, seeking freedom and wanting to spread its demonic aura everywhere its little claws of destruction could reach. It was simply… A perfect pet for an evil mad scientist like himself!

  
It just had to become the lab’s new mascot.  
There was no way around it.

  
”From this day on you’ll be… Lab member 009!”, Okabe announced proudly, earning a growl-like gurgle from the stiff cat.

  
”Mmmmmh… You need a proper name, lab member 009. What about…”, the mad scientist trailed off, looking at the black disheveled fur of his new companion, its thin frail body, the mismatching colored yellow and blue eyes and those imposing, quite scary-looking canines.  
  
”Huh”, Okabe let out as he discovered labmem 009 to be a little cross-eyed, too.  
  
”You kinda remind me of _Christina_!”, he literally screamed in joyful anticipation as he held the cat above his head, like he had seen in some kind of children’s movie about lions.  
But wait… Surely, if he really named the kitten after his assistant, she would most likely be pissed off and that was the funny thing about it… Yet, it could also cause confusion inside the lab if two individuals shared the same name.  
  
”Mmmmmh…”, Okabe concluded, “I’ll just call you ‘Zombie’, then. After all, you look the part and Christina remains as ‘The Zombie’. Problem solved.”  
  
Zombie gurgled again, whatever that meant.

If you took a quick glance, you could tell that he seemed not to be in a too healthy condition, but Hououin Kyouma was always up for a challenge.  
  
”Time to introduce you!”, he yelled as he burst into the lab like a madman ready to strike.

”All labmems listen to me! Today we welcome a new memb-…”, Okabe trailed off.  
  
  
Why…  
  
Why was there nobody waiting for him!?

Didn’t they get his message?  
  
  
In a fit of anger, he opened his phone while holding the kitten in his other hand. After a while of going trough at least 5 unread messages on his part, he ground his teeth in exasperation:  
All of them had turned him down because apparently they ‘had to do something’.  
  
Curse the organization! Of course they had interfered and dragged the labmems away from his sacred lab, there was no way to explain why no one would be elated to join him otherwise.  
  
  
”I guess it’s only you and me, then”, Okabe sighed and put Zombie down on the floor, where it strangely remained in the exact same position for at least 1 minute after that.  
  
”I get it, you’re a strange one, aren’t you?”, the mad scientist asked the unmoving cat.  
  
After a while of nothing happening, one of its gurgle-like meows followed and the cat turned its attention to dust balls on the floor, staring them down.  
  
”Okay then”, Okabe said and proceeded behind the curtains of the lab to try and search the internet for weird cat mannerisms.

  
It was then he noticed the lab wasn’t as empty as he’d thought it to be:  
His assistant was taking a nap right in front of the computer, headphones on and all the weird devices around her still blinking and beeping.  
  
”Hooooh?”, the mad scientist sensed a chance to mess with his beloved Christiiiiina and approached her quietly.

It seemed as if she’d really done it.  
  
Not too long ago, after an intense argument, she had decided to learn how to cook.

And being the weird genius girl she was, of course she wouldn’t just accomplish it normally, no, she’d build a device that would help her remember the procedures and ingredients needed.  
  
  
’ _Damn cheater_ ’, Okabe thought to himself as he leaned over to catch a glimpse at the monitor that was showing recipes and graphics of all sorts, there was even a video playing about how to beat egg white stiff or something.  
The great Hououin Kyouma wasn’t too sure about it, making food didn’t fit mad genius scientists after all.  
  
’ _Well, Christina_ ’ he thought and an evil idea formed in his head as he watched his assistant sleep blissfully unaware of her surroundings while mumbling something about egg yolk, ‘ _Let’s see just how brilliant that new gadget of yours truly is!_ ’  
  
  
Okabe grabbed the computer mouse and moved the cursor to something more interesting than cooking and baking: Anime. Memes. Perverted memes…  
Wait, Christina was already an @-channel-tainted, perverted genius girl, she didn’t need any more of _that_ knowledge.  
Mmmmmh…  
  
He randomly clicked on a list of 151 collectible monsters of some series and let the program run trough all the details, including different color schemes and fictional descriptions of height, weight and so on.  
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmh… Still didn’t seem satisfying.  
  
Oh!  
That had to be it!  
Something a stuck up scientist like her would never acknowledge on her own!  
  
  
Okabe opened the occultic channel.

He then clicked on as many weird satanic rituals and descriptions of ghosts, paranormal activities and monsters as he could find, all the while snickering at the furrowed brows and noises of complaint his assistant was unconsciously making.  
  
He almost couldn’t contain his laughter: ”Hrrrrr…Hehehe…Mmmmphrrr…Hohoho….Pffff…Yes, definitely that one! Huhuh… Hohoho…!”  
  
This was just perfect.  
Okabe could already picture Christina’s face when he would suddenly start talking about werewolfs and she couldn’t hold back on mentioning every possible way to expose them and then suddenly, she would be wondering why the hell she knew such ‘stupid fiction’.  
And then he could tease her to no end about it.  
Ah, yes, perfect.

“Let’s say this is the revenge for-…”, Okabe began whispering but then interrupted himself as he saw something unusual.

  
Something that shouldn’t be there.  
  
”How…!?”, he shouted in surprise as Zombie hopped on his assistant’s back and started clawing at her lab coat.  
  
”Wait, no!”, the mad scientist called out to the cat and tried to catch it, only to find that Zombie was in no way as slow as a real zombie and was successfully dodging all his attempts of damage control.  
In fact, it was alarmingly fast!  
  
”No! Stop it! Bad kitty!”, Okabe shouted again until he realized that his assistant would probably wake up from the ruckus.  
  
  
Well, now or never.  
He reached out to Zombie one last time and hoped he could retrieve it before the unending wrath of Makise Kurisu got unleashed, but…  
  
Zombie jumped out of his hands.  
Directly onto the keyboard.  
  
”HUH!?”, Okabe exclaimed as weird messages got displayed on the screen.

Kurisu groaned.  
  
Zombie took a leap again.

  
And knocked over an open can of Dr. P.

Also directly onto the keyboard.  
  
All Okabe could think of in his moment of despair, as he watched the scene before him unfold in slow motion, was: ‘ _Shit._ ’  
  
  
Unfortunately, Zombie had gotten hit by a wave of the liquid, shocking it into clawing and biting its way through the cables connected around Kurisu’s headphones, ripping them partly from her head and attacking her exposed neck.  
  
Kurisu jerked awake and let out a scream as the cat bit into her skin, trying to stand up and shake off her opponent while Okabe still reached for the damn cat and got knocked over by Kurisu’s sudden movement.  
  
All the mad scientist could hear after that was a strange long gurgle from Zombie and a high pitched screech from Kurisu as sparks flew from the damaged cables, that was at least what he suspected to be happening from his position on the ground.  
  
And then, to his knowledge, Zombie got electrocuted.  
  
And that was that.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**(in the current worldline)**  
  
  
”You… Can’t be serious”, Kurisu muttered while holding back a lot of pent up anger.  
It couldn’t be.  
It just couldn’t be.  
It seemed to be true, though…  
  
Okabe…  
He was the reason…

  
HE WAS THE REASON WHY SHE REMEMBERED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE COLLECTIBLE POCKET MONSTERS, EVEN ACROSS WORLD LINES!

 

“Oh no, the cat got hurt!”, Mayuri exclaimed, tears already welling up in her eyes.  
  
”More importantly”, Daru butted in, “That seemed to be pretty dangerous. Like, I mean… Like it could turn Miss Makise’s brain into a fruit smoothie. Did she even survive that!?”  
  
’ _Ah, yeah…_ ’, Kurisu thought dumbfounded, ‘ _That would probably also be an appropriate question at the moment._ ’  
  
  
So, she steeled herself, took a deep breath and screamed:  
”DID YOU FUCKING KILL ME WITH MY OWN DEVICE, YOU BRAIN DEAD IDIOT!?”  
  
  
Okabe flinched but tried to maintain a business like attitude and explained:  
”Language, assistant! First of all, no, you miraculously weren’t harmed at all by your vicious machine of knowledge gaining that could also be used for way too many purposes of evil nature like war and corruption by the way, so it was a good thing I destroyed it beforehand. And secondly, the only one who was slightly… Dead… afterwards, was the damn cat. Zombie just couldn’t beat ‘The Zombie’ after all.”  
  
”Yoooouuuuuu…”, Kurisu growled but got interrupted by Mayuri’s sobbing:  
  
”That’s so saaaaad! Mayushii is glad that Chris-chan is okay but why did the cute Zombcat have to die? Mayushii always says that experimenting is dangerous and now you dragged in someone innocent!”  
  
Oh boy, Mayuri was angry all of a sudden.  
  
  
”M-mayuri…”, Okabe tried but hadn’t the chance to finish.  
  
Kurisu and Daru just stared in astonishment.  
  
Mayuri went on: “You too, Okarin! Mayushii knows you mean well but you never think before you do bad things like playing pranks. If you hadn’t been so mean, Zombcat would still be alive!”  
  
Okabe really wanted to interrupt his childhood friend now and explain himself further but the force of her scolding was too strong.  
  
”And Chris-chan!”, Mayuri addressed the older girl.  
  
”H-huh? M-me!?, the genius asked baffled, never before had Mayuri been this angry with her.  
  
”You always, always, always invent things and make everything complicated. Mayushii thinks you are smart, talented and a really nice girl but you are too stubborn! You often overlook simple solutions because you want to win a stupid argument. If you hadn’t wanted to solve the problem all on your own then the accident wouldn’t have happened either!”, Mayuri finished her speech.

Kurisu gulped, blushed in shame and then glanced at Daru, who was awaiting his turn to come.

“Daru didn’t do anything this time”, Mayuri said (while Daru sighed in relief) and then suddenly smiled again, as if all of her anger had been lifted, “Mayushii just hopes something like that never happens again, okay? Mayushii wants us all to be friends!”  
  
Everyone vigorously nodded in agreement.

 

There were times when cute little Mayuri could get angry too and that always meant you had to listen to her.  
Definitely.

 

“Okay, so, how did this charade of a story continue?”, Kurisu broke the silence.  
  
”Ah-hem”, Okabe cleared his throat, “let’s just say the cat wasn’t _really_ dead. Not… Really real. More like… Ah, well, like a zombie. But, well, it had been like this before, I guess…”

Daru groaned, Kurisu raised an eyebrow and Mayuri listened intently with her lips forming a small ‘o’.  
  
Okabe seemed satisfied with his audience and went on:  
”Okay, so now about my assistant becoming a vampire…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems like it's finally about to get interesting...


	3. The assistant has delusions

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**(in another worldline)**

 

Silence.

 

Wait, why was there silence? Shouldn’t Christina have begun her daily ranting routine by now?  
  
Okabe slowly turned his head to where his assistant had been fighting the demonic cat Zombie just a moment ago.

 

Oh.  
There she was.

No, there they were.  
Both lying on the ground…

Unmoving…  
  
An unsettling kind of horror overtook him as he saw his assistant lying there, next to her the burnt black cat. Smoke was still rising up from its fur, creating a lingering scent of death in the small lab.  
And Christina… No, Kurisu…  
What happened to her?  
Did she…

Did… She…?  
  
Kurisu was still lying there, motionless.  
Surrounded by electric wires, the destroyed headphones next to her.  
  
Okabe panicked.  
”Ku-… Kurisu!?”, he desperately asked and knelt in front of her head, afraid to touch her and to confirm what could have become the bitter truth.  
  
No.  
Not again.  
  
”P-please… Wake up!”, he said and his trembling fingers brushed through her long chestnut hair to reveal her pale face.  
  
It was… Too pale…  
  
His eyes widened as he examined his fingertips again.

There was blood.  
  
Her blood.  
  
”No…”, he choked out, “NO! KURISU! KURISU! WHY!? Why…!? What have… I… Done…!?”  
  
Tears started forming in his eyes and soon they fell down on Kurisu’s face, mixing with her blood… And she still looked as if she were peacefully sleeping…  
  
Only never to wake up again.  
  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current world line)**  
  
  
Everyone cried.  
  
”But…”, Kurisu croaked out, “but I thought… I didn’t…”  
  
She couldn’t bring herself to say the word ‘die’.  
The emotions felt too real.  
Okabe was suffering, even in the moment of his retelling he had started trembling.  
It was too much for anyone to handle.  
  
”Well…”, Okabe continued, now with a calmer voice, “you definitely didn’t. In fact, you woke up just after that and said the most stupid thing you could.”  
  
Then Hououin Kyouma made another appearance with his crazy laugh, even if only to suppress the raw emotion felt by him only seconds ago.  
  
Everyone cheered up at least.

  
Everyone except Kurisu, of course.

Her face had become quite unreadible as she couldn’t decide on being angry, embarassed, shocked or in love with the stupid man in front of her.  
  
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**(in another world line)**

 

“Wha-… Where…? Huh?”, Kurisu muttered as she felt water dripping on her face.

Probably rain?  
No, she wasn’t outside right now, was she?  
  
The person situated right next to her face gasped and let out an excited, happy whisper of her name:

“Kurisu…!”  
  
It had been Okabe.

Her Okabe.  
He had said her true name so carefully, so full of love…  
She had to respond to him!  
  
”R-Rintaro…”, she whispered back at him, “I missed you. Let’s go eat at our favorite ramen restaurant for dinner, is that alright?”  
  
Okabe’s facial expression changed from relief to total cluelessness in one second.  


 “Huh?”, he made.  
What was he supposed to do here!?  
  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current world line)**  
  
  
”Probably brain damage”, Daru interjected.  
  
”Yeah, I thought so, too”, Okabe agreed with the hacker.  


Mayuri had that kind of smile which suggested she knew exactly what might have happened- and she wholeheartedly supported it.  
  
Kurisu just wanted to die.  


She couldn’t ignore the familiar setting and it dawned on her that a distant dream she had seen once could be responsible for that outcome…

It had been a wonderful dream.

In that dream…  
She and Okabe…  
They…  
Had been…

MARRIED!  
And… AND…!  
And they had had a favorite ramen restaurant because she liked eating them so much and… And… AND…!  
AND…!!  
She was…!  
She…!  
Okabe had been so caring and supportive of everything and…!

They were…!!  
SHE WAS ALREADY…!!  
Both of them hadn’t exactly known what they were even doing but they still wanted to try their best…!  
Because…  
Together…  
SHE…!  
THEY…!  
THEY WERE BOTH GOING TO BE…!!  
Even when she’d never thought it would turn out that way…  
Even when she thought she wouldn’t be able to do this…  
Even when she thought she’d fail horribly and turn out like… Her father…  
They were still going to be…  
P-p-par… Pa-… Par-paaarrrrrenn…  
  
…

  
”…-kise, earth to Miss Makise, please respond! Incoming call from the command headquarters, agent Daru speaking. I’m repeating myself, this is an urgent matter…”, Kurisu suddenly heard Daru speak while he was waving both hands in front of her face.  
  
”W-w-wha-… What!?”, she responded clumsily and noticed everyone was staring at her.

Oh great.  
  
  
”Hey, Rukako, just hand assistant one of those cup noodles of hers, all that ramen talk has probably made her hungry again”, Okabe nonchalantly announced.  
  
”O-okay, Okabe-san!”, a quiet voice responded and took off to find said item.  
  
”H-HUH!?”, Kurisu exclaimed, “S-since when was Urushibara-san here!?”  
  
  
Had she really been that engrossed in her daydreaming?  
  
  
”He came to visit just a few minutes ago!”, Mayuri happily explained.  
  
  
Wow… Really?

Maybe she should let an expert check her brainwaves sometime, it could be that those crazy stunts Okabe had been pulling in some other timelines were affecting her attention span and/ or the part of her brain responsible for the imagination process…  
  
  
”Makise-san, I’ve prepared the cup noodles, they should be ready in three minutes”, Ruka let her know while returning from his given task.  
  
”Thank you very much, Urushibara-san! I mean, I would’ve done it myself, but I’m not that hungry, actually…”, the young neuroscientist remarked.  
  
”Assistant! Quit complaining! It’s painfully obvious that your offensive stomach growling would have interrupted the next part of my wonderful frightening story! Why else would you be clutching your stomach with that dreamy expresssíon if not for your constant hunger for instant noodles?”, Okabe accused her.  
  
”I’m not your assist-…!”, the girl started and then stopped herself when her eyes fell on her hands which were indeed…

Still stroking her own abdomen… For… Some… Reason…  
  
…  
  
  
”OH MY GOD, I’M GOING CRAZY FOR REAL!!”, Kurisu shouted in English all of a sudden and then stormed off into the direction of her cup noodles so that she wouldn’t have to look anyone in the eye for the time being.  
  
”Those damn Americans…”, Okabe muttered and shook his head, “Okay, were did we leave off?”  
  
”T-the… S-situation was…”, Ruka stuttered, “M-Makise-san was having delusions and didn’t die... I think… And you didn’t know what to do. Please, continue, Ok-… Ah… Kyouma-san!”

“FUHAHAHAHAHA, yes, indeed, my assistant was having weird delusions due to possible brain damage and I had to tend to her deep wounds… All on my own… ALONE. WITHOUT ANY HELP. Only an evil mastermind like I could have done-…”, the would like scientist began boring his companions again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I was mistaken. Okabe just keeps rambling.  
> What a surprise.


	4. The assistant is patched up

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**

 

“Ouch!”, Christina exclaimed, yet again.

 

“Then hold… Still!”, Okabe commanded his assistant.

 

Cleaning her skin and sticking band aids onto all those scratches, at least in the neck region where she could’t reach, was something the mad scientist had to do.  
Because she couldn’t do it herself.  
He didn’t want to.  
But he had to.  
Yeah.

 

“It was your fault in the first place! Who would think it was a great idea to bring an animal into a laboratory!?”, Kurisu accused him.  
  
  
And so, the bickering began:  
  
”Well, excuuuuuuse me! I thought Zombie was the perfect candidate for experimentation!”  
  
“It was only a perfect candidate to infect me with rabies! OUCH!”  
  
”Don’t speak of him like this! May Zombie rest in peace wherever he is now!”  
  
”Hey! First of all-… Ouch! Who calls a cat ‘Zombie’? That alone should be a crime! And don’t you talk about it as if the cat had died! It didn’t just magically disappear, did it?”

“You are just jealous because of your position, ‘The Zombie’! But fear not, if Zombie, the now real zombie cat, should knock on my door again, it will still be labmem 009. I wouldn’t exchange The Zombie 004 with Zombie 009 just because you complain about everything.”

“If I were that cat… OUCH, BE MORE CAREFUL! If I were that cat, I’d never come back to the place where I was electrocuted! And stop calling me ‘The Zombie’, after seeing that cat it feels even worse!”  
  
”Hoooooh? Why, The Zombie, would you think I called the kitten like this? Well, it’s because you are so similar, haha!”  
  
”Okabeeeeee… I swear…! OUCH, OUCH, STOP!”  
  
  
Okabe had reached the deepest wound yet and tried to clean it with the washcloth but apparently it still hurt his assistant too much. On the second look, this seemed to be the place where Zombie had rammed its long teeth inside Christina’s neck.  
  
It looked… Kind of gross.  
  
  
”Hey, just asking… Are you actually immune to rabies… And stuff…?”, Okabe asked doubtingly.  
  
”Well, yeah, at least I should be. Is this actual concern I hear in your voice?”, his assistant retorted.  
  
”I-it’s not because it’s actually my fault y-you got hurt but rather… If you start going mad and biting everyone it would be a problem, wouldn’t it?”, the mad scientist explained.  
  
”Mmmmh, even so”, the girl pondered, “I could still catch the cat scratch disease. It’s basically harmless, though. We will know when I’m getting a fever after this.”  
  
  
Okabe would never have admitted it, but he felt incredibly concerned for her wellbeing. Now thinking back, Zombie didn’t look like the average cat when it came to health conditions. It looked like an actual zombie.  
  
He just hoped Christina wouldn’t start craving brains very soon.  
  
  
”Okay, thanks for your help, Okabe. I’ll take care of this bite and bandage it. At least the lab coat prevented any damage being done to my back, that’s a relief”, Kurisu said while examining the slightly ruffled lab coat she was wearing right now with a fond expression.

“Y-yeah”, was the only thing Okabe could get out. Because of him, his assistant’s new gadget got destroyed but at least she was safe.  
That was all that counted right now.  
  
  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**  
  
  
”Aaaaaaaawwww, how sweeeet!”, Mayuri exclaimed in joy.

She had always known that the two of them could get along if no one was watching them. And the zombcat escaped the Future Gadget Laboratory, which seemed like a happy ending for the story.  
But somehow… The story hadn’t really started yet, had it?

  
”Aaaaaah, quit with this happy coupely lovey-dovey stuff! Normal people should just explode already!”, Daru whined.

For his tastes… There wasn’t anything for his tastes in Okabe’s story yet.  
  
  
”H-Ha-Hashida! Keep your fantasies to yourself! There wasn’t anything lovely in this story, just a lot of suffering on my part!”, Kurisu burst out.  
  
”Mmmmh, I… I wonder…”, Ruka began, “When did Makise-san actually become a vampire? W-was it because… Of that bite…?”  
  
”I don’t become a vampire, mooouuuuu!”, Kurisu complained again.  


However, Hououin Kyouma had to praise his best (and only) disciple for his marvelous observation skills: “Yes, Rukako, indeed. For the zombie cat was not, in fact, a zombie, but a vampire cat! Of course, we had no way of knowing that from the start!”  
  
”Amazing!”, Ruka exclaimed.  
  
  
All of a sudden, some fancy tune played in the middle of their conversation and Okabe checked his phone:  
  
” _This story seems interesting. Would you mind it if I took some notes? Pretty pleaaaase! ;D_  
 _Maybe I can use the material later for fictional purposes. However, please tell me more, I wanna know how it continues! <3_  
_\- Moeka”_

Of course.  
  
”Shining Fingeeeeeeeeeer! Show yourself!”, the mad scientist screamed at the ceiling.  
  
In a dark corner of the room, a silent woman raised her arm and spoke in a soft, barely audible voice: “I… Was here… Since the bandaid… Part… Really cute… Lovey-dovey…”  
  
  
Two people in the room shared now the exact same redness on their faces, to say the least.  


“Ah-hem!”, Okabe cleared his throat again to change the topic as fast as possible, “So, our dear Christina was already beginning to turn into a vampire, even if nobody noticed it. BUT…! The symptomes started kicking in sooner than even I, the great Hououin Kyouma, could have expected…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!  
> MUHAHAHAHA!
> 
> Oh, and by the way...  
> No cats were hurt during the production of this fanfiction, I swear!


	5. The assistant gets sick

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**(in another worldline)**

 

“Ugh... Daru, Okabe? Could you maybe tone it down a bit?”, the genius girl’s voice reached the members of the lab.

 

Somehow… Somehow she wasn’t her usual angry self but sounded… Tired? Huh? Didn’t she already sleep the entire afternoon when she was running the test with her device?  
Hououin Kyouma couldn’t allow his assistant to slack off!  
  
”Hey, assistant! Go get your beauty sleep when everyone else does, _at night_! When you’re here at the lab, I expect your brain to function for me and the other members, understood!?”, Okabe fired at her in an attempt to make her angry.  
  
  
But somehow…  
  
She didn’t say her usual ‘I’m not your assistant’.  
She didn’t say anything.

She just kept standing there, next to Daru and the computer, supporting herself with her right hand placed on the desk and shielding her eyes with the other one…  
Was she sweating?  
  
  
Okabe was getting worried again.  
  
  
”Chris-chan? Is everything alright? You look kind of pale, you know? Did you catch a cold?”, Mayuri’s gentle voice tried to comfort her friend while stopping her needlework.  
  
  
Daru and Mayuri had come to the lab soon after the ‘Zombie incident’, witnessing the aftermath of the destruction left by the demonic cat and even helped to clean up the room, collecting the destroyed parts and leaving them in a box for now.  
  
However, while doing that, Christina hadn’t been very helpful. Whenever she tried to move quickly, she soon had to stop and catch her breath, even now she looked as if she had trouble breathing…  
  
  
”Hey, Christina”, Okabe asked his assistant as she didn’t answer Mayuri’s question, “Hey! Are you okay!?”  
  
While saying that, Okabe moved next to Kurisu and even Daru stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder which finally got a reaction out of her. Startled, she gasped and lowered her left hand to reveal her face, looking apologetically at the two of them.  
  
”Ah, I’m sorry, it’s just… I’m feeling dizzy. Maybe I should go back to the hot-…”, Kurisu tried to say and took a step back from the table, only to tumble soon after, being caught by the big arms of Daru.  
  
It didn’t seem like it, but in a situation such as this, Daru could be quite the gentleman, leading the young neuroscientist to the lab’s most sacred place, the couch.  
  
”Maybe it would be better if you rested here for a while?”, the hacker attempted to be gentle, it didn’t exactly happen often that the two of them shared a conversation where she didn’t label him as a pervert.  
  
”Mmmmmh”, Kurisu made and laid down, using the big Upa plushy as a cushion.  
  
  
Okabe could only stand next to her as she closed her eyes and look at her troubled face, slowly extending his arm to test if she already had a fever. So he carefully placed his hand on top of her forehead, brushing aside her bangs with his index finger and thumb.  
  
Although she let her eyes flutter open for a moment while furrowing her brows, Kurisu said nothing.

She didn’t even complain.  
  
  
There had to be something seriously wrong with her!  
  
  
”Whoa!”, Okabe let slip out as he quickly withdrew his hand, “She doesn’t seem to be burning up, it’s the opposite!”  
  
Mayuri and Daru positioned themselves next to Okabe, sharing his worried expression as they looked down at the usually so feisty and quick witted girl who seemed to be reduced to someone small and fragile at the moment.  
  
”She’s completely cold, as if she’d come out of the freezer!”, Okabe explained further, “Let’s get her a blanket to warm her up a little.”  
  
Mayuri nodded her head and took Kurisu’s hand in hers, only to find the same result: Cold.  
  
”Why is that, Mayushii thought that being sick meant a rise of body temperature?”, Mayuri pondered while she covered her friend with a blanket  
  
  
Okabe thought about it very hard.  
Cold sweat? Cold sweat… What could that mean… There were several possibilities!  
  
  
”Kurisu!”, Okabe addressed the person in question again, “Please, you need to answer a few questions for me, okay? First of all, do you feel any pain? Maybe in your chest region!?”  
  
Puzzled, the girl opened her eyes again, finding a panicking Okabe by her side. To calm him down, she muttered a small: “No.”  
  
Okabe looked relieved but didn’t stop the questioning: “Okay, so plobably no heart attack… And fortunately you can still talk to me, good. What else? Ah, you don’t suffer from hypoglycemia, right? And what about pulmonary edema, something wrong with your intake of oxygen? Your lips haven’t turned blue yet, huh… And… And what about low blood pressure? Or hipotiroidismo?“  
  
Kurisu had never seen Okabe like this. Suddenly, he seemed to spout all sorts of medical terms and literally attacked her with questions she didn’t get the chance to answer.  
In the end, she just said:  
”I’m fine, really. Just let me rest for a bit, okay?”  
  
The boy slowly nodded and reluctatly left Kurisu to herself. After taking one last look at her, he noticed her smiling and then she whispered:

“Thanks. For worrying about me.”

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**  
  
  
”Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww, way to go, Kyouma and Ku-nyan!”, Fayris shouted while bursting into the lab.  
  
”W-wha-…!?”, Christina replied, shocked and embarrassed by the sudden development.

“Hey, who made this into a round table conference again!?”, Okabe asked everyone at the lab.  


Why the hell did they all come here in the first place, with Fayris being the last one arriving right now?  
Daru, Mayuri, Christina and himself were a common sight at the lab, but Rukako, Shining Finger and Fayris?! Of course, sadly Suzuha wouldn’t come anymore, although Okabe sometimes thought she’d just burst into the lab again to say ‘Yoooo, you missed meh!?’ or something like that.  
  
”Kukukuku, Fayris knows everything!”, the cat girl explained, “Her 6th sense was tingling and she had a feeling that the dark scrolls of Vlad III, or more commonly known as Vlad the Impaler, were to be unraveled again! You probably didn’t know that the cat in question was actually an informant of the underworld, trained to serve Fayris under the name of ‘ _Asmodeus_ ’! Now that he has completed his mission, Ku-nyan will have the honor to gain the powers of a genetically mutated cat demon! However, she must find a cure on her journey to the sacred lands, if not, she will start killing to satisfy her hunger: Small rodents first, then dogs, then cows and in the end no one is safe anymore, nyaaaa!”  


“I-I’m not killing anything! Stop that nonsense at once!”, Kyouma’s assistant screamed to prove her point.  


She had already been quite angry before and now Fayris had succeeded in putting herself as target number 1 on her black list.  
  
  
”Well…”, Okabe began and wasn’t really sure how to play along Fayris’ delusions and not feed Christina’s anger any more at the same time, “The only endangered species right now are probably the cup noodle citizens and the nation of the holy pudding but we will keep her under observation. The more important matter at hand is the question, why you actually arrived here!?”  
  
Moeka held up her phone.  
  
”I sent… A mail…”, she said in a low voice.  
  
Everyone sighed. This had gotten out of hand pretty fast.  
  
  
”Haha, Fayris would rather want to know why you spend so much time explaining how worried you were for Ku-nyan that the actual horror story you promised never happens, nya”, the catgirl stated mischievously.  
  
Okabe sent a glare over to Moeka that could be translated as: ‘ _SHINING FINGEEEER! Just how much did you write in that mail!?_ ’  
  
Moeka answered by typing and sending him a message in an instant:  
” _Just hurry up with the story and leave out unnecessary details. You should focus on unusual happenings next to built up suspense. It’s a shame there is only one narrator though and we can’t ask Makise-san personally… :(_  
_\- Moeka_ ”  
  
Okabe groaned and pointed his finger at Christina while saying: “It’s not my fault that my assistant here can’t remember anything that happened! And even if she did, I doubt she’d tell you anything regarding a topic she likes to avoid at all costs! So you have no choice but to listen to _my_ story!”  
  
  
Moeka sighed and stared at the floor again.  
  
Christina seemed as if she wanted to say something and then decided not to speak at all. She fidgeted on the couch as if she experienced some conflicted feelings…  
  
”Oooooooh, Miss Makise?”, Daru asked the nervous girl, “Could it be…? You actually remember something, don’t you!?”  
  
  
All eyes turned to the young neuroscientist.

Even Okabe raised his eyebrows in wonder.  
  
  
”W-what? Um… Well…”, Christina stuttered, “I don’t really know anything. Nothing in particular… But, uuuh… There might be something that popped up in my mind after Okabe described those medical terms… It’s like a nightmare I once had…”  
  
A collective ‘Oooooooooooh!’ could be heard and Okabe was a bit taken aback by that information. Did she actually remember what she had done then?  
He just had a feeling… It wouldn’t be something out of a little girl’s fairy tale book.

He was curious though, so he provoked her:  
”Aaaaah, as if my assistant could tell a story as good as mine, only with her little memory snippets. It’s going to be boring and no one wants to hear that, believe me!”  
  
”How rude! I’m not your assistant and I can contribute far superior content to your story than the crap you are telling them, thank you very much!”, Christina snapped at him.  
  
”Kukuku, ‘nightmare’, she said? The stage is set, Fayris expects something outrageous to happen!”, Fayris told them while sitting down next to Mayuri who nodded in agreement.  
  
  
”W-will there be… B-blood?”, Rukako asked and clenched his fists in front of his chest.

“Of course no-…”, Okabe began but got cut off by his assistant:  
  
”There will be!”

Rukako gulped.

  
Mayuri stopped her sewing immediately, put down the costume and ripped open a bag of potato chips she had prepared beforehand.  
  
This was finally getting interesting again.  
  
  
”Uuuuuuh…”, Kurisu began as she felt the stare from the other 6 labmems, “W-well, let’s see… I remember feeling really tired and after Okabe said what he told you, I must’ve been sleeping for a while. And then…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it seems next chapter we'll be told the story from Kurisu's perspective!  
> Who will pull off the better horror story, I wonder...?


	6. The assistant doesn't remember

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**  
  
  
The world seemed dull.

  
No light.  
Only darkness.  
The darkness of the night.  
  
Flying.  
Into nothingness.  
Across streets and plains.  
  
Searching for something.  
Lying in wait for something.  
Chasing that something.  
  
That something was soft.  
That something was warm.  
That something was the thing she wanted most.  
  
Was is acceptance?  
Was it friendship?  
Was it love?  
  
When she finally reached it…  
When she finally grasped it…  
When she finally… Sunk her teeth into it…  
  
The softness and warmness disappeared.  
All that was left was something stiff and cold.  
And the only color she saw was…

 

Red.  
  
  
”Woah!”, Kurisu shouted as she opened her eyes in an instant.  
  
What in the world had she dreamt about? It had felt so real…

Like memories.  
Memories that weren’t her own.  
They couldn’t belong to her after all, she would never chase anything in the middle of the night…  
  
Wait.  
Where was she again?  
  
Kurisu looked at her surroundings.  
What?  
She didn’t understand.  
She didn’t understand at all!  
Why was she standing in the middle of someone’s garden at that hour!?  
Huh?  
How late was it anyway?  
A quick check of her phone screen told her.  
  
”2 A.M. IN THE MORNING!?”, she croaked out and then had a small coughing fit.  
  
Her voice seemed strained for some reason…  
Did she catch a cold?  
No, wait…  
  
” _The last thing I remember was Okabe fussing over me since I wasn’t feeling well_ ”, Kurisu thought.

In panic, she took a look around again.  
Indeed, she was probably in someone’s garden since she could see a fence from where she was standing.  
The lights were all out and everyone in that house had to be sleeping by now.  
Or was someone there with her?  
…  
No.  
She didn’t see or hear anything.  
Kurisu had to get out of that stranger’s property if she didn’t want to cause any trouble, so she decided to swiftly climb over the wooden fence.  
  
Putting some distance between the slats and her, she took a run-up and jumped, pulling herself over the obstacle and even landing gracefully.  
Turning around, she was surprised.  
  
  
” _Huh!? Since when am I that athletic? That fence is… Almost as high as I am! Whaaaat!? And what the hell happened with me anyway!?_ ”, her thoughts were running wild.  
  
  
As if on cue, her phone started ringing. Looking at the caller ID told her it was Okabe.  
  
  
”H-hello?”, Kurisu answered uncertainly since she had not the slightest idea what had happened.  
  
”KURISU!?”, the self proclaimed mad scientist surprised her with his concern, “Where the hell are you!? I tried calling 4 times already but you didn’t answer!”  
  
The girl didn’t know.  
She didn’t know where she was, why she was here and why she hadn’t answered his calls.  
It was the first time in her life she had felt that clueless.  
  
”Okabe”, she voiced her assumption carefully, “we didn’t just… Jump worldlines, did we?”  
  
  
The man on the other end gasped and remained silent for a little while.  
  
  
”Okabe, I’m serious”, the genius girl continued, “did Reading Steiner just activate? Is that what it feels like? Not to know what is going on anymore? Because I, right now… Have not the faintest clue.”  
  
”No. It didn’t”, Okabe said, “at least not for me.”  
  
  
Kurisu was at her wits’ end.  
  
What was the meaning of this?  
  
  
”Well… Whatever just happened, I’m trying to find out where I am right now, if I don’t find any clues, I’m calling you again, okay?”, the young neuroscientist concluded.  
  
  
After hanging up, she walked away from the house and moved to a more open area which possessed a smooth surface made out of stone.  
From here, something felt familiar.  
  
She suddenly knew where she had been all along!  
  
Right in front of her was the shrine of Urushibara-san’s family!  
  
Relieved that she hadn’t ended up in the middle of nowhere, Kurisu sighed and placed a hand over her heart.  
She had been quite scared, to be honest.  
  
However… Okabe hadn’t felt any worldline shifts.

Still, she couldn’t remember anything. Was it possible for her to cross worldlines without him noticing?  
Or did something erase her memories?  
Could it be that something prevented them from being processed by her hippocampus in the first place?  
  
Not finding an answer to that, she gave Okabe a quick call and made her way to the lab, where he was already waiting with Daru.  
  
  
”Why did you decide it was a good idea to visit the shrine at that hour!?”, Okabe’s angry voice penetrated her ears.  
  
Kurisu flinched, averted her eyes and told him: “Not so loud, I already told you I don’t remember…”  
  
Daru shrugged as if to say ‘Who cares?’ and added:  
”Maybe Miss Makise wanted to go ghost hunting and was embarrassed, so she left when you were sleeping and I was busy playing my game?”

“I definitely didn’t! Or, at least… I wouldn’t”, Kurisu answered in an unsure manner.

Well, it didn’t happen everyday she suffered from amnesia.  
  
  
Okabe sighed and added: “Well, at least you’re here now and feeling better. Anything unusual besides your little trip in the middle of the night?”  
  
”I… I don’t know”, Kurisu answered while staring at her hands.

There was something red on her fingertips.

  
”Hey”, the self proclaimed mad scientist suddenly noticed, “where did the bandage around your neck go? Did you take it off?”

“H-huh?”, the girl exclaimed and felt that the bandage was indeed gone, leaving her wound to heal in the open.  
  
Glancing back at her fingers, Kurisu sighed and thought: “ _Probably my own blood. Why or where I took that off will remain a mystery, though._ ”  
  
  
Thinking about everything, the genius girl couldn’t even close her eyes long enough to fall asleep, she wasn’t tired anyway, after practically sleeping all day long.  
Deciding that ‘ _sleepwalking_ ’ was the most logical explanation, she assumed that her weakness from before had led to a state in which her brain didn’t register the new memories she was making and therefore causing her amnesia.  
  
Sleepwalking was a first for her, though. It had never happened before and now when she thought of it, she was terrified something like this could occur more often.

For a genius like her to completely lose control of herself…  
It was something she never wanted to experience again and hoped that it could be blamed on her sudden sickness.  
  
  
It was at 8 a.m. in the morning where things changed.

  
Okabe had gotten a message from someone and seemed really upset afterwards.  
  
”What happened?”, Kurisu asked and regretted her curiosity in the moment Okabe told her what was going on:  
  
”It’s from Moeka. Yesterday, a crazy maniac must have wreaked havoc at the shrine. That person did something unforgivable and smeared a symbol of sorts on the shrine walls! As if that weren’t enough, a dozen dead mice are scattered around the symbol, maybe it’s even their blood they used for it! Is this supposed to be a cult’s doing!?”  
  
As the upset teenager showed the picture file to Kurisu, the sight sent shivers down her spine.  
She had seen that symbol before…  
  
It was an Egyptian ankh, symbolizing ‘life’.  
  
But why…  
Why was there so much death surrounding it?  
  
  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current world line)**

 

“No! Please, no!”, Ruku exclaimed all of a sudden and held his head in both hands.  
  
He trembled.  
  
”Uh, don’t worry Urushibara-san, I don’t really remember anything more than that”, Kurisu muttered apologetically, she hadn’t wanted to scare the poor boy.  
  
”That’s… Not it!”, he said after that.  
  
”Mmmmh”, Okabe pondered, “what’s the matter, Rukako? Did you find Christina’s version of the story as implausible as I did?”  
  
Ruka shook his head, folding his hands in front of his heart and looking at the floor.  
  
  
”Maybeeee”, Fayris had an idea, “the dark forces are already pulling more victims into their circle of destruction! First Ku-nyan, then the shrine! It’s all connected!”  
  
  
Everyone paused and looked at Kurisu who strangely didn’t reply and stared at Ruka in deep thought. The boy glanced up at her for a split second, then returned his gaze to the floor, as if afraid she might pierce him with her eyes.

“ _What’s with this strange atmosphere!?_ ”, Okabe thought while looking at the scene.

  
His ringtone broke the silence.  
  
”Ugh, Shining Finger is at it again!”, he said and then read the text she had sent him:  
  
” _I think I might remember something regarding this symbol. Please read the messages I’m about to send you out loud, it’s easier for me to contribute that way._  
\- _Moeka_ ”  
  
  
Okabe sighed.  
  
Mayuri was still munching her potato chips. At least she enjoyed herself, so he might as well continue.  
  
”Well then, I’m going to try and narrate what Shining Finger is thinking about all of this, so strain your ears!”, the mad scientist exclaimed and then went on with the story.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurisu is quite poetic, apparently...  
> Next, it will be Shining Finger's time to shine!  
> Hehe. 'Shine'. You get it? Yes?  
> Oh.


	7. The assistant doesn't believe

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**  
  
  
It had happened at night, Moeka was sure of it. The father of the family assured everyone that the strange symbol definitely hadn’t been there when he had last checked, around 9 p.m.  
So, at least between 9 p.m. and 6 a.m. on the next day, the perpetrator would’ve had time to sully the shrine.  
9 hours.

  
At least someone would have witnessed the crime in this open place when there were still people around, so the culprit might have operated between 11 p.m. and 5. a.m when it had been too dark to see anything.  
6 hours.  
Still too long.  
Moeka couldn’t determine the time of the crime any further.  
  
Sighing, she took another picture of the scene. She made sure not to miss a single dead mouse as it could be significant evidence in the ‘Urushibara case’.  
  
Kneeling directly in front of one animal, she examined its state: Dead. Blood coming out from a wound on its stomach. Wasn’t cut with a knife, rather ripped apart by something…  
Could it be the imprint left by teeth?  
Did an animal kill those mice after all?  
  
Deciding that she had collected enough photographic evidence for now, Moeka wanted to ask the key victims again.  
Especially Urushibara-san junior.  
The old man had been shocked and puzzled, but the young boy seemed… Mysteriously shook and quiet.  
As if he didn’t want to tell her everything he knew.  
  
She really didn’t like talking to people.  
She hated it so much that she’d rather write questions with her phone again, but Urushibara-san didn’t seem to cooperate that way.  
There was no way around it… She had to talk to him. Like a normal person.  
  
”Uh…”, her quiet voice reached the boy’s ears, “You didn’t… Tell me… Everything, did you?”  
  
Urushibara-san’s eyes were filling with still unshed tears for a moment and he averted his eyes, responding with: “I… I don’t know what… What you mean…”  
  
  
Moeka kept staring at him.  
  
  
”R-really… It’s nothing…”, Urushibara-san continued.  
  
  
Moeka kept staring at him.  
  
  
”I… I… I didn’t… See anything!”, the boy exclaimed.  
  
  
Moeka kept staring at him.  
  
  
”I… I really… I didn’t mean to lie!”, he said.  
  
  
Moeka kept staring at him.  
  
Urushibara-san went silent.  
  
So she had to talk again: “Go… On…”  
  
The boy looked up at her.  
  
She nodded.  
  
  
”Okay… Okay… I saw somebody…”, Urushibara-san continued, still trembling.  
  
” _What, really!? When did you see that person and where exactly? Is this our main suspect? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Does anybody know this information yet? Am I the first one to learn it? Why is this so hard for you?_ ”, were the questions flooding Moeka’s mind.  
  
She didn’t ask them, though.  
  
  
”Y-you can’t publish this in the article! You absolutely can’t!”, Urushibara-san’s voice suddenly increased in volume.  
  
  
Moeka’s eyes widened. Why would it be a secret?  
  
  
”Please… Don’t continue with your investigations! I beg you!”, the boy exclaimed, again with tears in his eyes.  
  
”Are… They blackmailing… You?”, she asked him, a little concerned.  
  
”No… I… It’s nothing like that…”, he replied.  
  
  
Moeka kept staring at him.  
  
  
”It’s more like… The person I saw…”, he continued.  
  
  
Moeka kept staring at him. Her pupils widened slightly in anticipation, although no one would’ve noticed.  
  
  
”I know that person!”, Urushibara-san finished.  
  
” _Oh my god! This development! Family drama!? This would make a great article! But wait, I can’t publish this… But the readers have a right to know! But… Urushibara-san’s friendship... Who was the person he saw? Will he trust me enough to tell me!?_ ”, were the wild questions running through Moeka’s head.  
  
She didn’t ask them though, and like always…  
  
Moeka kept staring at him.  
  


“You know her too! And she…”, the boy went on, “She always seemed like a nice person… I couldn’t possibly… Ruin her reputation by confirming… I saw her there… I couldn’t!”  
  
  
Moeka kept staring at him.  
  
  
”And Okabe-san… He cherishes her so much! I just can’t understand myself… Maybe I hallucinated…”, the boy explained.  
  
Moeka kept staring at him.  
She almost couldn’t stand the tension anymore.  
So she blinked.  
  
”W-when it was around 1:00 a.m., I still couldn’t sleep because I remembered I had forgotten to do my practice swings! A-and then… I… I heard something… So I decided… To take a look… Armed with the sword Samidare… I was so afraid… I just peeked around the corner… And then…”, Urushibara-san suddenly stopped.  
  
Moeka kept staring at him.  
When he didn’t continue, she tried to nod encouragingly again.  
  
He still didn’t continue.  
So she had to rely on her last resort: She smiled a little.  
  
Only then, Urushibara-san had the courage to continue:  
”There was… A person holding something… And then I noticed who it was, so I tried calling out to her… But… She just dropped the thing in front of me… It was… A… A dead… Mouse… It was so horrifying! W-when… When… When s-she t-turned… Around…”  
  
The boy had closed his eyes in fear and seemed to struggle with finishing his sentence:  
  
”She wasn’t like herself anymore! W-with those e-empty eyes… I was… So afraid! I thought… I… I thought… She might… Kill… Me…”  
  
The boy finally burst into tears.  
Moeka awkwardly patted his shoulder.  
  
After a while, she asked her last question: “Who… Was… That person…?”  
  
Urushibara-san wiped away his tears and looked up at her again, whispering: “It was… Makise-san.”  
  
  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**  
  
  
”OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH”, everybody screamed at once.  
  
  
Ruka burst into tears again.   
  
Mayuri ran over to Ruka as quickly as possible and hugged him so he could calm down.  
  
Then Mayuri noticed Kurisu going pale…  
  
So she ran over to the neuroscientist and hugged her instead.  
  
There was just so much work to do in this small lab… Sometimes Mayuri wished she could split herself so that she could be there for everyone at once!  
  
  
”IT’S JUST LIKE I SAID!”, Fayris shouted over the shocked mumbling, “THE KILLING HAS BEGUN!”  
  
”No…”, Kurisu whispered after being released by her friend’s hug, “No… No… No, no, no, no… This has to be… A joke, right?”  
  
The images flooding her brain told her otherwise.  
  
  
Okabe looked at all the labmebs around him and then shook his head dramatically, telling them: “It’s the cruel truth.”  
  
  
Daru applauded.  
  
”Whoa, I really thought this was going to be boring, but what do you know… Suddenly it has turned into a real horror thriller! Evil yandere for the wiiiiiin!”, he shouted.  
  
  
Kurisu just sat down on the floor, hugged her legs and remained silent.  
Okabe thought that the revelation at the end might have broken her.  
But who cared about his assistant, the show had to go on!  
  
”MUHAHAHAHA! As you already know, Shining Finger was the one researching the case and she found out a detail about that symbol thing no one else had before!”, the great Hououin Kyouma exclaimed proudly.  
  
”You mean the Egyptian ankh? Symbolizing ‘life’?”, Christina suddenly threw in.  
  
”Wha-…!”, the mad scientist said in surprise since he definitely hadn’t thought his assistant might recover from the shock so quickly.  
  
  
Damn that Christina, always ruining his revelations.  
  
  
”AHEM”, Okabe cleared his throat, “It had _absolutely nothing_ to do with ‘life’, assistant! It was rather used as an occultic symbol displaying… THE BIRTH OF A NEW VAMPIRE!”, he dramatically finished his speech.  
  
”What would also be considered a ‘new life’ beginning for the person in question, wouldn’t it?”, Christina replied in her usual mocking way with closing one of her eyes.  
  
Okabe ground his teeth.  
  


“Why are you so happy all of a sudden? Shouldn’t you apologize for scaring everyone half to death and ruining the shrine!?”, he accused her.  
  
Crossing her arms, she walked over to the couch, sat next to Mayuri again and explained:  
”I’ll not be swayed that easily. Vampires don’t exist, there has to be a logical explanation for all of this. Maybe I really had brain damage. Who knows.”  
  
”Oooooh, you might say that, but Fayris knows what you are hiding!”, Fayris butted in.  
  
”Mmmh?”, Mayuri made, “Fayris-chan, what do you mean?”  
  
”Kukukuku”, Fayris laughed, “Fayris remembers exactly what you did, Ku-nyan! There is no denying it anymore! It’s Fayris’ time to shine now, she’ll enlighten you with her knowledge. Forbidden knowledge!”  
  
  
”W-will there be… B-blood, again?”, Rukako stuttered.  
  
”YES!”, Fayris answered almost instantly, letting the poor boy flinch.  
  
  
Okabe wasn’t pleased by that at all.  
He had wanted to tell the story!  
Why did everybody suddenly remember what had happened? They didn’t have Reading Steiner after all!  
He was the special one!  
Dammit.  
  
  
”Oh?”, Christina replied in an arrogant tone, “Try me. There’s no way I’m going to believe you, that’s for sure.”

 

“Hoooooooh?”, Fayris responded, the provocation evident in her voice, “Let’s see what you’re going to say after Fayris uncovers the truth!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I definitely don't want to imagine how many messages Okabe had to receive from Moeka just to tell her story.  
> Well...  
> What a shocking development. And poor Ruka!  
> Next, it'll be Fayris' turn. What evidence might she have up her sleeve?


	8. The assistant cannot lie

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**(in another worldline)  
**  
  
There had been another incident.

  
Fayris pounded her fists on the table in frustration.  
  
At May Queen Nyan Nyan. Her maid café.  
Her one and only May Queen Nyan Nyan.  
  
They had gone too far.  
First, they had sullied the shrine of the Urushibara family.  
She felt sorry for the poor girly boy, he had seemed to be the most shocked out of the victims.  
Different sources even told her he had cried.  
Only understandable.  
  
But… This!  
  
”Well well, I guess you reeeeaaaallllly want to know, huuuuh!? Too bad!”, the annoying person in front of her said.  
  
It was 4°C.  
  
He had made fun of her all day long and hinted at the culprit but wouldn’t tell her unless she’d agree to some kind of shady deal involving her beloved café.  
She could never!

  
”It’s as clear as day who the one responsible for all of this is! _You_ did this to Fayris and Ruka-kun!”, the girl seethed with rage, grinding her teeth and wanting to punch her opponent so badly that it already hurt.

 

He hated her fame and her café and probably all of her friends, so it was no wonder he had dragged Ruka into all of this.  
The last incident had only happened two days ago, too…  
  
There were probably still more to come.

When there was one thing she knew about 4°C, it was that he didn’t want to give up easily. He’d continue pestering her about giving up on her café and maybe his group would even target Kyouma next.  
4°C had seen the mad scientist before, after all.  
And they didn’t like each other, of course…  
  
  
”Hahaha, throwing around accusations… How typical of a spoiled, immature child like you! I’ll just ask again then: Where is your… _Evidence_!?”, 4°C spat at her, grinning like a maniac.  
  
Fayris knew that she couldn’t win this battle, so she remained silent.  
At least she had to act professional when there were still custumors around and even if she had been alone, she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of agitating her.  
  
Even if she could barely contain herself right now.  
She wouldn’t let him get his will with her.  
  
Never.  
  
  
”Get out of my café. Now!”, Fayris commanded.  
  
”Mmm, seems like you need time to process everything I just told you, fine. In the end, you will come begging to me, anyway. It’s only a matter of time, sweetie. Ciao!”, the Gaia-maniac said at last and finally walked away.  
  
Fayris needed help.  
And the others had to know they were going to be targets soon.  
  
Stepping out the front door herself, the catgirl took in a whiff of fresh air and tried to ignore the bright red symbol decorating her shop’s window.  
For whatever reason, a dead snake was lying in front of it. She hadn’t touched anything until now.  
It was probably time to get rid of it, the pictues had already been taken.  
People had stared long enough at May Queen Nyan Nyan for the wrong reasons.  
  
She couldn’t do it now, though.  
She needed to get in touch with Kyouma, her savior.  
He would know what to do.  
  
Debating with herself if she should just call him, write a text or drop in unannounced, she decided to write him a short message beforehand:  
” _Prepare yourself, Kyouma!_

_Very bad news, the dark forces may be invading sooner than we thought. Fayris has to discuss something with you, are you currently at your secret hideout? It’s about the demonic blood rituals, they may affect all of us!_ ”  
  


A while after that, his reply arrived:  
” _Of course, if it’s about what I think it is, we need to join forces! Hope you don’t mind the usual labmems being around, if needed we can talk on the roof. Just drop by when your shift is over.  
El. Psy. Kongroo._”  
  
  
Nodding to herself, Fayris finished her work for the day and headed over to the lab, 4°C’s shady behaviour still fresh in her mind.  
He definitely planned something.  
  
It would help if her powers included actual mind reading but she had a general idea in which direction his offer to help her was heading:  
It was a threat in disguise.  
  
  
Arriving at the lab, the first thing Fayris noticed was the open window. This was nothing unusual in itself, however, she could smell and hear food being cooked which was a rarity!  
And… It didn’t smell like fire or acid being thrown together. More like actual food.  
Ruka had to be responsible for that, Fayris was sure of it.  
  
Entering with a smile, the catgirl was surprised when Ruka was nowhere to be found and the ones preparing food were actually Kurisu and Mayuri.  
  
Strange.  
  
  
”Hello, everynyaaaaan!”, Fayris shouted cheerfully and was soon greeted by Mayuri’s ‘Tuturuu’ and a casual ‘Hello’ from Kurisu.  
  
”I see, you have arrived”, spoke Okabe who lingered on the sofa, jumping up from his spot in an instant.  
  
”I will support you with everything I have, Fayris-taaaan!”, a voice shouted from the back of the lab, probably belonging to Daru.  
  
”Nyaaa…”, Fayris sighed and switched to a serious tone, “The thing is, behind those incidents… I have a strong feeling that 4°C could be the one responsible for them, nya.”  
  
  
Okabe made a troubled face and ruffled his hair with one hand, then he answered:  
”Daru thought so too, actually… He’s currently researching everything he can find about those incidents and… Well…”  
  
Fayris wasn’t stupid, she knew exactly what Okabe was hiding, he didn’t even need to continue. Given Daru’s research and his reaction, there could only be one conclusion:  
  
”He has an alibi, right?”, the catgirl stated bluntly.  
  
  
The shocked expression on the mad scientist’s face told her everything.  
She should’ve known.  
4°C was a narcissistic asshole but he was no fool. Of course, if he showed up under her nose, claiming to know the culprit, he would’ve already destroyed any evidence leading to him.  
  
Walking over to Daru’s computer, Fayris asked the super hacker:  
”Is there really nothing that could help us? Fayris has a strong premonition that the rest of Kyouma’s group could end up as targets if we don’t take countermeasures, nya!”  
  
”Ah, Fayris-tan, you see…”, Daru began, showing her different articles on screen, “On the evening of the first attack, 4°C was participating in fundraising concerning some religious group, he then attended the following festival. The distance between that location and Akihabara is too great to suspect him personally.”  
  
”That means he sent his underlings to do the dirty work. He would never donate anything if it wasn’t for the explicit purpose of having an alibi on this day, nya. Since the festival was official, there were probably cameras around the place, accessing their data wouldn’t help us anyway, though. The best lead would be his personal phone, I presume, nya?”, Fayris concluded.  
  
Daru’s eyes went wide and he blushed, filled with excitement.  
”Aaaaah, Fayris-tan, I like the way you think! It’s sooo… Devilish!”, he shouted.  
  
”Hacka, concentrate!”, Okabe’s voice appeared next to the catgirl.  
  
”It’s hacker, geez!”, Daru corrected him and went on, “Yeah, that wasn’t everything we found out. Miss Kiryu wrote in her article about the strange symbol written in blood, it could be identified as a part of vampirism. Online, there were different sources arguing whether it meant that a new vampire was born wherever that symbol appeared or if one vampire marked their prey with them and cursed the land. It could also be that the vampire has to go through different rituals to become a full fledged member.”  
  
Fayris couldn’t believe her ears.  
  
_Vampires_.  
  
It sounded kind of exciting.  
However, for 4°C to resort to this… He had finally lost it.  
Maybe he thought he was ‘the chosen one’ or that crap.  
  
  
”CAREFUL, MAYURI!”, Kurisu’s voice suddenly cut through her thoughts.  


As if in slow motion, Fayris turned around and analyzed the scene playing out in the kitchen:  
Mayuri had been carrying a tray with bowls until now but she didn’t make it to its destination because she had tripped over Future Gadget #2, the ‘Bamboo Helicopter’.  
The tray flew out of her hands and was currently heading into the direction of Daru’s manga pile, still in mid air.  
  
The super hacker’s mouth had already opened to shout ‘NO!’ and Fayris was tempted to cover her eyes in order to not witness the disastrous outcome.

 

Nevertheless, something else happened which she was glad she didn’t miss:  
As if disconnected from time itself, Kurisu leaped forward, rolled on her back while pushing herself away from the cupboard and miraculously stretched herself enough to land under the falling tray, catching it before it hit the floor.  
A few bowls were knocked over but they didn’t leave the tray.  
Daru’s manga were saved.  
  
A few seconds passed were nobody could say a thing.  
  
Then Okabe opened his mouth:  
”What… The heck was that, assistant? Are you sure you’re not an undercover agent!? I underestimated you. You truly have some mad skillz!”  
  
Kurisu seemed to be as perplex as the rest of the group, still holding the tray in disbelief.

  
Daru thanked her: “You are a lifesaver! I spent so many precious hours of my life collecting these manga, it would’ve been awful if they had been covered in soy sauce or whatever.”  
  
Standing up from the floor since the momentum had made her fall over, Mayuri helped Kurisu put away the tray and exclaimed:  
”Wow, Chris-chan! You are like a mysterious super ninja! Kung fu fighting, as fast as lightning!”  
  
The genius girl chuckled at that and told her with a smile:  
”I really don’t know what came over me. Usually, I don’t even have a fast enough response time to catch a ball being thrown directly at me. Believe me, I have no idea what to make of my newfound athletic tendencies!”  
  
Fayris furrowed her brows.  
There was another unusual development heading towards her but she was still missing some pieces.  
  
  
Okabe groaned: “Even a blind hen sometimes finds a grain of corn. The day your scrawny scientist body becomes anything related to ‘athletic’, I’ll be here preparing a silver bullet for you since you obviously won’t be a normal human being anymore.”  
  
Snorting at his remark, Kurisu said:  
”I think someone over there is _jealous_ , because I can move faster than his tired eyes can perceive _and_ I won the bet since I learned how to cook, as you can see. That means you owe me a fancy dinner. You should already start saving up your money.”  
  
Fayris could hear Okabe’s teeth grind from quite a distance, accompanied by the word ‘cheater’.

Kurisu could be a real devil if she wanted to, the catgirl noticed.  
  
”Well, since that’s out of the way now, how about we eat the food before it gets cold?”, Mayuri proposed.  
  
Everyone agreed to try some of the dishes and gathered around the table.  
  
While the genius girl waited in anticipation, Daru was the first one to praise her:  
”Miss Makise, I really have to admit that your cooking has improved greatly. The omelet isn’t even burned one bit, it’s almost perfect. There is just one thing you need to be careful about.”  
  
”Oh? Thanks, Hashida, what would that be?”, the girl asked him curiously.  
  
Daru pushed up his glasses with one finger and continued:  
”If you ever cook naked in just an apron-…”  
  
”FORGET I EVEN ASKED!”, Kurisu snapped at him.  
  
’ _Some things just never change_ ’, Fayris thought.  
  
”Wait, not so fast, assistant! I have a complaint to make!”, Okabe shouted, only for Kurisu to shout back:  
”Denied!”  
  
The mad scientist almost seemed to explode and Fayris had to hold back a snicker, then he went on:  
”I meant it, Christina! Did you taste the sauce before serving it? It’s far too sweet!”  
  
The neuroscientist made a surprised expression when Daru mumbled:  
”Now that you mention it…”  
  
Taking a spoon, the girl dipped it into the sauce and brought it to her mouth, furrowing her brows.  
”Huh?”, was the only thing she said.

  
Taking another spoon full, the girl raised her eyebrows and asked all of them:  
”Are you sure it’s sweet? I thought it should be salty…? I made sure to pour in enough salt.”  
  
What did she say?  
Her comment didn’t make any sense.  
Even Mayuri wondered about it:  
”But Chris-chan, can’t you tell from the taste? You probably mixed up salt and sugar, they look similar after all.”  
  
Instantly, Kurisu went back into the kitchen and took the two containers with sugar and salt out of the cupboard, placing them directly next to each other.  
Then, she poured a small amount of each substance into her open palm and licked it.  
  
Fayris couldn’t see Kurisu’s face but she knew something had to be wrong since the girl still hadn’t moved from her spot.  
  
”Did you solve the mystery, Ku-nyan?”, Fayris tried to bring the girl back to reality in a casual way.  
  
Instead of answering, the neuroscientist returned to the table and told everyone:  
”I’m sorry, I made a mistake. Would you mind if I tried the other dishes, too? To see if I’ve really improved?”  
  
Okabe groaned and said something about ‘self praise’ and then the two of them bickered like usual. Mayuri gave half of her share to Kurisu who ate it in silence, brows still furrowed.  
  
All the while, Fayris observed her behaviour.  
She definitely hid something from the others.  
But one could not fool Fayris, the one who saw through it all!  
  
After they were finished and their plates got collected, the catgirl carefully approached Kurisu and whispered:  
”Ku-nyan? Can we talk for a second? Maybe on the roof?”  
  
The genius girl made a face and whispered back:  
”I’d rather not go outside right now, the sun is still too bright. It gives me a headache. Let’s talk on the stairwell instead.”  
  
There it was again.  
Something kept tugging at the back of Fayris’ mind but she just couldn’t put her finger on it.  
She was so close, too!  
  
”Okay, what do you want to talk about?”, Kurisu finally asked her.  
  
The cat maid bent forward until their faces were really close, scaring the other girl a little, and said in a serious tone:  
”I know what you’re hiding, nya. Fayris sees everything, don’t even try to deny that you were in a difficult situation back there.”  
  
The neuroscientist averted her eyes and gulped.  
”A s-situation? L-like what? I don’t know what you’re talking about”, she stuttered.  
  
Fayris sighed.  
This girl clearly had to work on her tsundere problems.  
  
So save them both the trouble, Fayris decided to state the facts:  
”You didn’t simply mix up sugar and salt, you didn’t notice the difference in taste at all.”  
  
Kurisu gasped.  
  
”Also, I bet that you didn’t really enjoy anything you cooked today, probably because for you, it had no flavor. The real question is, why though? Is there something you should tell us, nya?”, the catgirl concluded like always.  
  
The genius girl seemed uncomfortable in her own skin at the moment but answered her nonetheless:  
”It’s true. Everything tasted really dull. It’s not as if I have to hide anything, though. Even I don’t know what’s going on with me! Since I don’t have trouble smelling and the tissue of my tounge is still fully intact, I don’t know what caused this! In the worst case…”  
  
Kurisu stopped and took a deep breath, then she continued in a low voice:  
”There are three possibilities I can think of at the moment:

Number 1: There’s something wrong with my taste buds. Since no traumatic event damaged them, I don’t think it’s the cause.

Number 2: My cranial nerves got attacked and the information sent by the taste buds can’t travel to my brain anymore. This could be caused by… Degenerative diseases, for example.

This brings me to:

Number 3: There’s something wrong with my brain. It’s likely that… A brain tumor would cause that kind of damage. Or… It’s a degenerative disease of my nervous system, like I said, for example… Dementia.”  
  
Fayris’ eyes widened at the gravity of Kurisu’s words.  
  
”Ironic, isn’t it?”, the genius girl tried to appear calm on the outside, “I’m a neuroscientist and I need someone to take a look at my brain, out of all things.”  
  
Whatever idea it had been that evaded Fayris at that moment, she couldn’t do anything more than hug the genius girl and hoped she could prevent a cruel fate.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**

 

An awkward silence filled the room since no one knew how to react.  
Could they believe Fayris’ words?  
  
A glance to Kurisu didn’t help much since she seemed to be lost in thought.  
She didn’t defend herself, though… Oh no.  
  


“So it really _was_ brain damage!”, Daru pointed out somewhat cheerfully.  
  
Kurisu’s sour expression made him shut up in an instant, then she voiced her thoughts:  
”I went to take tests, an EEG or MRI, I presume?”  
  
”Yes”, Fayris stated and smiled mischievously, taking one step toward the girl.

“And the results?”, Kurisu asked bluntly, already guessing the outcome.

Fayris grinned even wider, answering her with:  
”No brain damage. No tumor. No disease. Only a slight deviation from normal brain waves, that’s all. The so called ‘experts’ were hopelessly clueless, nyaaa!”  
  
  
Kurisu gulped.

She kind of knew which direction this conversation was headed to, now…  
  
  
”S-so… It was because… B-because Makise-san was actually… A v-v-vampire?”, Ruka stuttered fearfully and distanced himself a little from the neuroscientist, making her even more uncomfortable.  
  
”Ding dong, exaaaactly, nyaaa!”, the catgirl shouted in joy while pointing her finger into the direction of the worried boy.

 

Kurisu made a grimace but remained strangely silent otherwise.  
She felt as if she was in the middle of being pulled into something she didn’t like one bit.

 

“So that’s where you went at that time, to take some tests”, Okabe mumbled and added:  
”And because they couldn’t find anything wrong, you behaved even weirder.”  
  
Daru tilted his head, touched his chin with one hand and furrowed his brows, as if he’d think very hard about the case, like Sherlock Holmes or at least Watson would do.  
Then he gave his expert opinion:  
”Even while being a vampire, Miss Makise still remains an unchangable tsundere, trying to hide the most important things from everyone, orz!”  
  
Moeka and Ruka nodded slowly while Mayuri gave Kurisu an apologetic smile before she, too, nodded in agreement.  
  
  
The genius girl was outnumbered.  
  
  
Fayris stood proudly in the middle of the room, arms crossed and one eye closed, exclaiming:  
”There you have it, nya! Fayris knew your inner vampire had already been awakened! Killing those harmless animals, writing blood symbols, memory loss, avoiding sunlight, ultrafast reflexes and losing your sense of taste… They were all signs that the first attack was near, nya! It wouldn’t be long before Ku-nyan’s craving for blood put us aaaaaaalllll in danger, nyaaaa!”

 

The catgirl raised her arms into the air and made a dramatic ‘WHAAH’ as sound effect.  
  
Daru applauded.

 

“What do you have to say now, nya?”, Fayris concluded her speech and turned to Kurisu again, preparing herself for a lot of trouble while thinking:

‘ _Maybe I went a bit too far this time… Hopefully the girl isn’t angry._ ’  
  
  
Everyone’s attention turned to the genius girl since she hadn’t responded until now, which was utterly bizarre for her standards.  
  
Even Okabe was stunned when she finally said:  
”Oh god… What… Have I done?”

The self proclaimed mad scientist let out a very intelligent:  
“Hah?”  
  
Fayris followed suit:  
”Nya nya?”  


They hadn’t thought the neuroscientist would fall into their trap so easily.  
  
  
”Is everything alright, Chris-chan?”, a worried Mayuri tried to comfort her friend again, only to receive from her:  
”Mayuri… Oh, Mayuri…! I’m so sorry!”  
  
  
Then Kurisu hugged the smaller girl with all her might and everyone… Was confused.  
  
  
”What is even going on anymore?”, Okabe groaned.  
  
”Weeeellllll, since it’s now somehow clear that Miss Makise was a vampire and all, I can finally share a frightening detail I noticed, too!”, the super hacker suddenly announced.  
  
”Oh, yeah?”, the mad scientist asked doubtfully, “What do you have in mind, my right hand man?”  
  
”Huhuhuhu”, Daru snickered, “it went somehow like this…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fayris and Moeka should pair up some time, they'd make a great detective duo!  
> Now, the next witness, please. Hashida Itaru, what have you seen that frightened you so much?  
> (And please hold back with the hentai.)


	9. The assistant is cornered

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**  
  
  
Daru was a fearless man.  
He’d seen a lot in his days and was quite the lady magnet for his charming words and breathtaking looks, so he was also a busy man.

Above all, however… Daru was a gentleman.  
A perverted gentleman.  


//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**  
  
  
”I already heard enough, thank you very much”, Okabe interrupted Daru’s exposition, leaving him whining.  
  
”That’s not fair! Everyone got to tell something, so its my turn now!”, the super hacker insisted, so the other labmems granted him a second chance.  
  
”Fine”, Okabe sighed, “but please stick to the truth this time”.  
  
Daru seemed defeated, hung his head and continued.  
  
  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**  
  
  
Daru wasn’t a fearless man.  
He’d seen a lot in his days but one of his greatest fears was losing his computer equipment to something like a Dr. P. accident.  
Since exactly that had happened not too long ago, involving Okarin, Miss Makise and probably some sick cat which had disappeared under mysterious circumstances, his former keyboard was ruined right now.  
  
Because of this…

  
Daru was also an angry man.  
An angry man who had to buy a new keyboard and carry it all the way back to the lab in the middle of the night, since his spare keyboard had stopped functioning just an hour ago.  
And he needed one!  
Desperately!  
  
”That damn Okarin! He could’ve at least paid for the damage he caused but no, it’s always poor Daru who has to fix his mess. Don’t worry, Rina-chan, Meiko-chan, Fujiko-chan… Your hot boyfriend Daru will come to your aid in a few minutes, I promise! I’ll never leave your side again!”, the super hacker shouted in resolution and had to hold back some tears.  
  
”I’m home”, he said to no one in particular as he opened the front door of the lab, expecting to be alone since it had already gotten dark and no one bothered to turn on the lights, meaning everyone had already left.  
  
”Wonderful!”, he exclaimed and hugged his new keyboard even tighter, “That means it’s just you and me tonight, my cute girls!”  
  
The super hacker then proceeded to turn on the lights and flipped the responsible switch.  
  
  
Nobody could’ve prepared him for what he witnessed right after that:  
  
”CHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!”  
  
  
Someone or something made a vicious hissing sound and fell to the ground, trying to hide behind a blanket and struggling underneath it.

  
”WHAAAH!”, Daru let out, he was so shocked by the noise that he dropped his keyboard onto the floor, making the something behind the blanket jump and hiss at him again.  
  
It certainly sounded like a cat.  
Had the demon cat finally returned!?  
Hehe.  
’The Cat Returns’.  
What a great pun.

  
However…

The something was too big to be a cat, it rather looked like…  
  
”Miss Makise…?”, the super hacker tried asking.

 

He had noticed her chestnut hair poking through her self made cotton shield and her slender fingers clenching around the fabric.  
  
As an answer, the girl let the blanket sink down and squinted at Daru, still shielding her eyes.  
Then she mumbled:  
”H-hashida? C-could you maybe turn off the lights again?”  
  
”Heh?”, the boy answered.  
  
It was no understatement to say he didn’t comprehend the situation unfolding before him at all.  
  
Not even 1%.

  
”Please!”, she begged him, so he followed her instructions and flipped the switch again, leaving him in complete darkness.  
  
Wait…  
Maybe that meant…  
Miss Makise was wearing an embarassing cosplay outfit?

Or, or…  
Miss Makise was only wearing her underwear??

OR, OR…  
MISS MAKISE WASN’T WEARING ANYWHING AT ALL!?  
  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!

WHAT A GREAT DEVELOPMENT!!  
  
BUT!

He was a perverted gentleman.  
So, after hearing her fumble with somehing and standing up, he asked her:  
”Miss Makise…? Are you properly dressed right now?”  
  
”W-WHAT!? Of course, you pervert!”, was the immediate answer from the girl.  
  
Then that was settled.  
Daru turned on the lights for the second time.

  
”CHHHHHHRRRRR!”, the genius girl hissed and covered her eyes, running into the direction of the door.  
  
What.  
Heh?  
What did that mean?  
Why did she…?  
  
”Did you just… Hiss like a cat?”, was the only thing coming out of Daru’s mouth since he was so baffled.

Why was the genius girl doing this every time the lights came on?  
Not even Fayris-tan went that deep into her cat persona and Daru had never once seen Miss Makise do any kind of role-playing before.  
  
It was somewhat horrifying, especially when the girl in question angrily smashed the light switch with full force, in his mind creating a certain fear for his life when the darkness engulfed them.  
  
This was no time for games.  
  
A yandere was out there to kill him for real.  
  
The hissing sound could be heard again.  
Now that the super hacker knew to whom it belonged to, it induced an amount of terror and stress he’d never thought possible.  
  
Miss Makise…  
  
The evil mad scientist…  
  
A yandere wanting to take revenge…  
  
In complete darkness…  
  
  
The hissing came closer.  
  
”M-MERCYYYYY!”, Daru screamed at the top of his lungs, cowering in fear.  
  
His end was nigh.  
  
But…  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
  
The super hacker then heard his opponent clasping her mouth all of a sudden and with that, interrupting the hissing.  
  
”Mmmh!”, Miss Makise let out, her hands probably still muffling her speech while Daru wasn’t sure if the danger was over or not.  
  
What was she doing? Was she feeling nauseous or something?  
  
  
Daru didn’t dare ask and when the girl finally spoke up again, it was a meek whisper:  
”I-I’m sorry. I’m going back to my hotel now… Bye.”  
  
Just a few seconds afterwards, the girl had disappeared.  
  
  
”What in the hell was that?”, the super hacker asked himself and stood a few minutes completely still, being afraid the yandere might return.  
  
  
From this moment on, Daru made sure not to be alone with Miss Makise in one room ever again.  
  
  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**

 

“Are you finished?”, Okabe asked his right hand man.  
  
”Yeah”, Daru responded, grinning proudly.  
  
”Nothing else?”, the mad scientist made sure.  
  
”Nope. Came into the lab, turned on the lights, Miss Makise hissed at me and fled into the night. That’s everything so far”, the super hacker concluded.  
  
After that, Okabe’s ringtone could be heard, it was another message from Moeka:  
” _That story was rather short but scary nonetheless. I think it’s pretty clear right now that Makise-san is a vampire._  
_\- Moeka_ ”  
  
The mad scientist grinned.  
  
Looking around, he noticed all the labmems were focused on his assistant, eying her suspiciously, Rukako even trembled a little bit and hid behind Fayris.  
  
Hehe.  
  
That was certainly one way to start an angry mob, the only things missing were the pitchforks and torches.  
  
  
Christina was still hugging Mayuri and looked kind of miserable.  
  
Maybe she was ready to talk about the things she remembered now?  
  
Releasing her friend slowly, Christina looked at her surrounded state and complained:  
”Why does it always have to be me in those imaginary horror stories? Can’t you turn someone else into the villain for once?”  
  
”No can do, Miss Makise. It’s not fiction, that’s why! You hissed at me and scared me half to death, this isn’t something I would imagine!”, Daru protested.

Throwing her hands up into the air, the genius girl finally exclaimed:

“Okay! FINE! I GIVE UP! I can’t come up with a logical explanation why I did what I supposedly did! That still doesn’t mean I have to acknowledge the existence of vampires!”  
  
  
Everyone gave her the meaningful stare of ‘ _Stop being a tsundere already_ ’.

 

“Then what about your new found admiration for bloody meat?”, Okabe threw in.  
  
”WHAT!?”, his assistant screamed in shock.  
  
  
The labmems gasped.

 

“Ohoho, and what about your insomnia at night and your shut-in behaviour at day?”, the great Hououin Kyouma added.  
  
His assistant blushed. Probably from anger.  
Soon, he would have her exactly where he wanted to.  
  
  
As the other labmems listened with great interest, the mad scientist hammered the last nail into The Zombie’s coffin:  
”And what about… The thing happening with Mayuri?”  
  
That was it, his assistant hid her face behind her hands and wailed in embarrassement.  
  
  
”MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!”, Hououin Kyouma let out, his mission to prove his point had been successful.  
  
El. Psy. Kongroo.  
  
  
”Oooooh!”, Mayuri suddenly exclaimed, “Mayushii remembers now!”  
  
  
Everyone’s face went from shock into an exciting ‘ _Please elaborate!_ ’

  
Everyone’s except Christina’s.  
Her face read ‘ _I’m going to die and you are all responsible for it_ ’.

  
It was a wonderful fitting expression for her, Okabe thought.

 

“Can Mayushii please tell her part of the story? Pleeeaase, Chris-chan!”, Mayuri begged her friend sitting next to her.  
  
Christina sighed.  
Deeply.

‘ _I bet she has totally given up now_ ’, Okabe thought.  
  
”Just… Just leave out… No, actually… I don’t care anymore. Tell us everything you know, Mayuri, make the greatest story out of it, print it and sell it in book form. I don’t care anymore. Please don’t treat me differently after this”, was all The Zombie could say before she hung her head in defeat.  
  
After a short moment of shared pity for the genius girl, the labmems got ready for Mayuri’s part of the story.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Daru... At least you contributed to the story.  
> MUHAHAHA, with Mayuri on board the vampire train, how long will it be until Kurisu _gives up_?  
> Oh, look at the title of the next chapter!  
> *ba-dum-tssss*


	10. The assistant gives up

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**

 

Mayushii had never seen Chris-chan like this.  
After Fayris-chan and Moeka-san had pointed out that she most likely suffered from vampirism and Ruka-kun didn’t want to visit the lab anymore, her friend was in complete denial about everything.  
  
”The blood on my fingers that day surely wasn’t from a dead animal”, she said.  
  
”I’m just very sensitive to the extreme sunlight right now and that’s why I prefer working at night”, she said.  
  
”My skin is naturally pale looking”, she said.  
  
”T-the day that stupid cat bit me was only a full moon by coincidence!”, she said.

”My body is just craving proteins at this moment and that’s why the only thing tasting right to me is meat and fish. A-and the r-raw part is… Well… Anyway, maybe I’m g-growing…?”, she said.  
  
”I-I’m no… I’m no vampire after all… That’s just stupid…”, she said.

“A-and I’m certainly not… Craving blood… That’s even more absurd!”, she said.  
  
  
Chris-chan said all those things but in reality, she was really scared.  
Mayushii knew she was a tsundere and she wanted to help her at all costs.  
  
Since poor Chris-chan hadn’t visited the lab for a few days, Mayushii was very worried and visited her in her hotel room, giving her a little comfort.  
  
  
”Mayuri… You don’t think I’m… Weird, do you?”, Chris-chan finally asked Mayushii.  
  
’ _Oh no, Chris-chan is blaming herself again!_ ’, Mayushii thought and that’s why she told her her honest feelings:  
”You’re not weird, Chris-chan! You are a sweet and gentle girl, so very smart and protective, even when you are a tsundere! And… Being a tsundere is not wrong but Mayushii thinks you need to look the truth into the eye sometimes, Chris-chan!”

Chris-chan’s lips were quivering a little when she looked up and Mayushii placed a hand on her shoulder.  
  
  
”Do you think… I’ve really become a vampire?”, Chris-chan almost whispered, so much fear was in her voice.  


Mayushii smiled at her and didn’t let go of her shoulder, then she answered:  
”Whether you are a vampire or a werewolf or… A lawyer… Or… A mad scientist, it doesn’t matter, Mayushii likes you for who you are! Chris-chan is always Chris-chan!”  
  
  
Then Chris-chan cried.  
But her tears were happy tears, Mayushii thought.

 

That evening, Mayushii invited Chris-chan to the lab again and to celebrate her return, she gave her a special gift.  
  
  
”Mayuri… Is this a cape?”, Chris-chan asked and somehow sighed as she saw her present.  
  
”Yes! Mayushii made it herself so you can go outside when there is sunlight, too! It has an extra big hood, you know?”, Mayushii said and was very proud of her handiwork.  
  
  
Chris-chan didn’t want to look like a vampire at all, Mayushii noticed, and so her cape probably wasn’t the best idea. Still, Chris-chan thanked her and put it on, just for her.  
  
Chris-chan was a very good friend.  
  
  
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**  
  
  
”But was she really just a friend? Or was there more between them? Was there a YURI DEVELOPMENT!?”, Daru suddenly interrupted.  
  
”SHUT UP, PERVERT!”, Kurisu and Okabe screamed in unison.  
  
  
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**  


Chris-chan didn’t really have an appetite at that time, even though she was hungry.  
She didn’t want to eat and that bothered Mayushii.  
  
So, Mayushii decided, she wanted to cook together with Chris-chan to make her think about other things.  
  
  
It was then, when it happened.  
  
Mayushii just wanted to cut the meat with her knife but somehow, her finger got in the way and she cut herself.  
  
It wasn’t a very deep wound but it was bleeding.  
  
And because of this, Chris-chan got really scared.  
  
  
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current world line)**  
  
  
”Oh no!”, Ruka let out.  
  
”OH YES!”, Fayris screamed.  
  
”Where is my popcorn?”, Daru asked himself.  
  
  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**

 

Chris-chan just wanted to help Mayushii and wipe away her blood… But she couldn’t.

She was saying: “I can do this! I’m no vampire!”, but she still couldn’t do it.  
  
Chris-chan was staring soooo intensely at the blood that in the end, Mayushii had to say it:  
”Mayushii is okay with it, Chris-chan.”  
  
  
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**

 

“THE YURI IS REEEEEEAAAAAAL!”, Daru shouted and soon got knocked over by a book being thrown into his direction, probably Kurisu’s personal lecture.  
  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**(in another worldline)**

 

“W-what d-do you mean, M-mayuri!?”, poor Chris-chan stuttered, she was all tsundere again.  


“Here”, Mayushii said and held up her bleeding finger, “It’s okay. Mayushii won’t mind at all.”  
  
  
And then Mayushii smiled a very big smile to reassure Chris-chan… And put her finger into Chris-chan’s mouth.

 

First, Chris-chan wanted to take Mayushii’s hand away but then she held on to it.  
  
It was a very special moment.  
  
Carefully, Chris-chan licked away the blood and Mayushii had to stifle a laugh because it tickled her so much.

When there was nothing left, Chris-chan let go of Mayushii’s hand and looked kind of confused.  
  
  
”How was it?”, Mayushii asked her friend, smiling.  
  
  
Sadly, Mayushii hadn’t noticed that Okarin and Daru-kun had entered the lab and seeing this, Chris-chan got scared again.  
  
She ran out of the lab because she was such a tsundere and Mayushii was very sad about that, so she followed her into the night.  
  
  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**

  
”That’s all Mayushii remembers”, Mayuri finished and gazed sadly into Kurisu’s direction.

After hearing the words ‘into mouth’, ‘held on to it’, ‘special moment’ and ‘licked’, Daru self-destructed.

He was now lying on the floor but no one cared.

 

“So, assistant of mine, what is your conclusion?”, Okabe asked the genius girl.  
  
  
All day long, he had waited for this moment and now it would finally come true.  
  
  
Kurisu looked up at him, very slowly and very tired and then said:  
”You win. Vampires exist. I was a vampire. There is no other explanation. I was a vampire. Are you satisfied? Because of you, I probably lost 10 years of my life right now.”  
  
  
Okabe nodded and felt proud of himself.  
  
  
”Okay then, our dear Christina has realized her mistake. That means this pseudo-round-table-meeting can end now. Thank you very much for listening and-…”, the mad scientist began but got interrupted by angry whining.  
  
”Kyoumaaaaa! You can’t do this to Fayris, you have to tell us the whole truth, nyaaaa!”, Fayris complained.  
  
”Please, Ok-… Ah, Kyouma-san! We want to know how the story ends! Even if… Even if there is more blood!”, Rukako continued.  
  
Even Shining Finger voiced her concern:

” _Makise-san’s adventure surely can’t be over yet! The atmosphere was so promising and there are too many loose ends!_  
_\- Moeka_ ”  
  
Daru was still kind of unconcious.  
  
With one look into Mayuri’s pleading eyes, Hououin Kyouma had no other choice… He needed to finish what he had started.  
  
”Tch”, he made and glanced at his assistant.

She looked a little gloomy, to say the least.  
Since she didn’t bother to continue, it could be assumed she herself didn’t know how the story ended…  
Well…  
She had been brave and endured the story so far, she even admitted the existence of vampires, which Okabe made sure he recorded with his phone for later blackmail purposes.  


Okay.  
Hououin Kyouma was a mad scientist but he was also a fair one.  
He would cheer Kurisu up.  
She deserved it.  
  
”Then hear me, fellow labmems! I shall continue the story of my vampire assistant and… How she saved the day!”  
  
Everyone cheered, except for Kurisu.  
She wasn’t her usual annoyed self, though…  
For the first time, she seemed to be genuinely interested in what Okabe was telling them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, sweet Mayuri... Always having the happiness of others in mind.  
> Thanks to you, Kurisu has now finally admitted the existence of vampires, yaaaay!  
> But that out of the way... How does the story continue?  
> (With more dumb stuff, of course!)


	11. The assistant accepts her fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter... Is a wild ride.  
> Before reading, please make sure no actual vampires are with you as they might be offended by this stereotypical portrayal.  
> Oh, and no actual cultists.  
> And no Makise Kurisu. She would be madly embarrassed by this and sue me.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**

 

Mayuri definitely hadn’t been lucky when she stumbled upon a gang vandalising yet another housewall with the now well known blood symbol.  
  
She was relieved that Kurisu wasn’t to blame for the cruel rituals but that didn’t help her at the moment.  
She had witnessed a crime.  
And the perpetrators didn’t want the information to spread, so they wouldn’t let her go.  
Sadly, there were just too many people to flee.  
  
It seemed like… A whole group of satanists.  
They had knives.  
And Mayuri was very, very scared.  
  
When Okabe arrived at the scene, they had already taken Mayuri.  
Her phone was lying on the ground, abandoned.  
  
They had taken her.  
  
”DAMMIT!”, Okabe screamed and fell on his knees.  
  
It was all his fault.  
If he hadn’t made Kurisu crazy about the whole vampire stuff, then she wouldn’t have avoided him and Mayuri wouldn’t have left the lab at this hour.  
He was so… Stupid.  
  
He needed help. If he tried to do it alone, he wouldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t succeed solely because of the fact he refused help.

  
’ _Assistant… Kurisu. When you have been somewhere out here, please tell me you didn’t get yourself captured, too. Please, be one step ahead like always…_ ’, where Okabe’s frantic thoughts when he dialed Kurisu’s phone number.  
  
It rang.  
He would make everything up to her, he promised.  
  
It rang a second time.  
Just let them be safe!  
  
A third time.  
  
  
The line got cut off.  
  
No!  
Please no!

 

Then, his phone vibrated with a new message:

” _Can’t talk atm. Hooded people took Mayuri. Headed to the park I think, I’ll keep following. Don’t worry, I got this._ ”

  
It was from Kurisu.  
His brilliant assistant, no, partner.  
She was a worthy partner, indeed.  
  
Thank god he had her.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**(in the current worldline)**

 

Kurisu blushed.  
Okabe usually never called her anything above ‘assistant’ and partner just sounded so… Intimate.  
  
  
”S-so, I saved the day because I spied on them?”, she asked in a quiet voice.  
  
”Not only that, my dear Christina, you did waaaay better than that!”, Okabe told her with raised eyebrows.  
  
  
Kurisu really wasn’t accustomed to so much praise, it made her blush again.  
  
  
”How romantiiiiiic”, Fayris sighed, “they are just so cute together, don’t you think, nya?”

Moeka nodded and whispered:  
”Really… Cute…”

Then she took a photo of the scene, while Okabe began explaining again.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**(in another worldline)**

 

Okabe had seen many things in his relatively short life.  
He had jumped across countless worldlines and avoided a lot of cruel fates, saving his companions over and over.

However…  
Never once in his life had he witnessed something… Quite like this.  
  
When Kurisu had written ‘I got this’, Okabe hadn’t thought she meant dealing with the situation single handedly.  
  
There were far too many people there!  
What was she thinking?  
  
Arriving at the park, he spottet the hooded figures from a distance and Mayuri close behind them.  
Whatever they were preparing in the middle of the night, they formed a huge circle and surrounded his frightened childhood friend.  
He was about to jump out of the bushes he was hiding behind and make a run for it when he noticed another figure on top of a tree close to the cultists.  
  
That couldn’t be her, could it…!?  
  
  
And then… It happened.  
  
”What do you think you’re doing?”, a threatening voice came from the top of the tree, addressing the hooded figures.  
  
It definitely _was_ Kurisu.  
  
Oh no.  
WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE DOING?  
  
  
The figures looked around in shock until they spotted her and began whispering, one of them answered:  
”Oh yeah? None of your business. And who the hell do you think you are, spying on us like that?”  
  
”Yeah!”, another one said, “I think she needs to be taught a lesson, too! Let’s get her down!”  
  
An agreeing murmur spread around the group and some of them began approaching the tree.  
  
”I wouldn’t do that if I were you…”, Kurisu’s voice could be heard again and Okabe had to admit she sounded pretty intimidating.

But what was her plan?  
  
Looking up, the mad scientist saw something he’d only ever seen in anime:  
The moon glowing behind her, Kurisu took off her hood gracefully to let her hair fall freely and moved her cape a little, it was as if the wind listened to her call.  
Dry leaves were dancing around her and as her dark outfit fluttered, it made it look as if she had wings when she spread out her arms.  
She was leaning forward, ready to pounce.  
  
Oh god.  
  
No!  
She couldn’t!  
She wasn’t capable of doing something like this! She’d break all the bones inside her body!  
  
  
”That’s for kidnapping my friend, assholes”, was the last thing Kurisu said before she threw herself down at the first enemy.  
  
WHAT!?

Shoving the cultist out of the way, she rolled onto the ground and dodged the knives being aimed at her with ease.  
Even the group was surprised when she tackled another enemy and hissed at the remaining targets surrounding her.  
Some of them took a few steps back.  
  
”W-what are you!?”, an especially fearful cultist asked her when she approached him and dodged the swings with his knife until she was behind him and held his neck still.  
  
Okabe was frightened.  
Not because of the satanists.  
  
”Didn’t you… Call for me?”, Kurisu said in the creepiest way possible and then…  
  
She bit the poor guy.  
Into his neck.  
  
What.  
  
That was…  
Just gross.  
Oh god, why was it so thrilling to watch? Okabe couldn’t avert his eyes.  
  
The guy screamed, of course, and then he fell to the ground, whimpering.  
All the while, Kurisu approached the others slowly, step after step inducing more fear where she went.  
  
One of them finally screamed:  
”IT WORKED! IT REALLY WORKED! SHE IS A VAMPIRE! SHE LISTENED TO OUR CALL!”  
  
Then, another one commanded:  
”I HEREBY BIND YOU, VAMPIRE, WE CALLED YOU TO FULFILL OUR WILL!”  
  
  
Okabe used the distraction to spot Mayuri in the crowd.  
Just a little more…  
  
  
”I’m not fulfilling anyone’s will but my own”, Kurisu answered coldly, “and right now… I want you to leave and never come back. Understand?”  
  
A few hooded people were already running away.  
Now!

Holding a wooden stick, the leader, probably, stepped forward.  
  
”I-I command you! Or else…!”, he stuttered.  
  
”Do you really think you can kill me with that?”, Kurisu grinned at the cultist and then went on with a laugh rivaling Hououin Kyouma’s:  
”HAHAHAHAHAHA! Makise Kurisu is no longer among the living, you hear me? Up against a vampire, all alone… Let’s see how long you last.”  
  
  
The leader was already trembling.  
When Kurisu let out one last, long hiss…  
He screamed and ran away, taking all of his people with him.  
  
  
”Well…”, Okabe mumbled, having Mayuri already saved and hiding behind the bushes again, “That was easier than I had thought.”  
  
  
When the coast was clear, Mayuri was the first storming into the arms of her vampire friend and hugged her almost to death, shouting:  
”Chris-chan, Chris-chan! You were soooooo cooooool!”  
  
Okabe could only add:  
”That really was… Something.”  
  
Noticing the baffled look on the mad scientist’s face, the genius girl felt a long overdue, warm laugh escape her mouth as all the pressure fell from her in an instant.  
She’d put on quite an act out there but she couldn’t deny that the role of the bloodthirsty and pissed off vampire had been fun.  
  
”Woooow, nobody’s gonna believe what happened to Mayushii tonight but thank you so much for saving me, Okarin, Chris-chan”, Mayuri went on, “Now you see, being a vampire lady isn’t all bad, right, Chris-chan?”  
  
  
Okabe grinned awkwardly.  
Ah, yeah.  
There was still something he hadn’t told her, but…  
That could wait until later.  
  
  
”Mmmh, it certainly helped me tonight, but…”, Kurisu pondered, “Now that I’ve tasted real human blood, there might be a possibility of me becoming a burden to all of you…”  
  
Mayuri shook her head and exclaimed:  
”No! You’ll never be a burden! Chris-chan is always Chris-chan, no matter what! Right, Okarin?”  
  
When Kurisu’s hesitant and expectant gaze met his, the mad scientist sighed and told her:  
”Of course, you’re not off your assistant duty just because you changed races or something. You _are_ still Christina, after all. As long as you can come up with beneficial plans for future gadgets and keep complaining about everything, there won’t even be a difference.”  
  
Kurisu’s sour look was accompanied by a small hissing sound, this time.  
Oh great.  
Now Okabe had another thing to worry about.  
Hah, whatever.  
  
Making their way to the Future Gadget Laboratory, the three of them were grinning at each other since they had just gotten through another adventure together.  
And really…  
Being observed from this angle, Okabe couldn’t help but notice how cute Christina’s cape actually looked on her.  
He definitely hadn’t been frightened by her!  
Hah.  
No way!  
A mad scientist doesn’t know fear.  
He _creates_ it!  
And, well, technically, he’d also created his vampire assistant…  
Still, he had the faintest idea that Christina wouldn’t like being called his newest experiment at all…  
Pfff, she’d get over it eventually.  
  
On to the next adventure!  
El. Psy. Kongroo.  
  
  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**

  
The labmems were applauding.

 

“Thank you, thank you very much, we also accept donations”, Okabe shouted while bowing.  
  
”That was such a sweet story, nyaaa! Kyouma really has it in him, all that romanticism wrapped inside a typical ‘Beauty and the Beast’ story where he prevents Ku-nyan from killing more innocent people at the end and…”, Fayris began but got interrupted by Kurisu herself:  
  
”I never killed anyone! A-and saying it like this, well… T-there w-wasn’t anything romantic between us…”  
  
”Oooooh, I bet the contract was already sealed the moment Mayushii put her cute little finger inside Miss Makise’s mouth, aaaaah, so it’s a yuri development after all!”, Daru moaned until a Dr. P. bottle hit him this time, coming from Okabe.  
  
”Stop fantasizing about innocent Mayuri and my assistant already! There wasn’t any more blood exchange between them, thank you very much!”, he told him and seemed annoyed.  


Reacting to Okabe’s anger, Moeka whispered softly, so that only Ruka could hear her:  
“Is he… Jealous… Maybe…?”  
  
The boy gasped, began fidgeting and blushed, announcing:  
”If… If Okabe became a vampire… I would offer him to suck my blood anytime!”  
  
  
The last bit of his statement turned out so loud that the labmems looked at him in shock, paused their movements and began imagining all sorts of outcomes…

 

_“Kurisu… Take my blood.”  
  
_

_“O-okabe…! I can’t!”  
  
_ _”Yes, you can. I’m all yours.”_

 _“But… I don’t want to hurt you, Okabe…”_  
  
_”Call me Rintaro.”_  
  
_”R-rintaro…”_  
  
_”Kurisu! I want only you in the whole wide world! Let me be the one to satisfy your hunger!”_  
  
_”Rintaro! Are you really sure you want me to do this? You don’t have to. Not for someone like me…”_  
  
_”I love you, Kurisu!”_  
  
_”Rintaro…! I love you, too!”_  
  
_”Then prove it to me right now. Let the evidence of my love be my bare neck in your soft hands. I trust you with my life.”_

 _“Oh, Rintaro… I…_ _I’ll be gentle… Haaah…”  
  
”Yes, please… Ah! Argh, haah, Kurisu… _ _Take all you want... I’ll hold you… In my arms… I won’t let you go.”  
  
”Mmmh… Hah… Rintaro… You taste so good… Mmmmh… And you’re so warm. You’re all I’ll ever need.”  
  
”Then let us spend the night together, Kurisu.”_

_“Y-yes… I’d love to, Rintaro…”_

 

…

 

Kurisu choked on an imaginary drink.

A ringtone finally interrupted everyone’s delusions:  
” _I have collected enough information. Thank you for the story, I’ll be off now.  
-Moeka_”  
  
”W-wait, where are you going, nya?”, Fayris asked the older girl as she was about to reach the door.  
  
Taking one last picture with her phone, Moeka smiled and answered in an almost inaudible voice:  
”Writing… Fanfiction…”  
  
  
Then she was gone.  
This left Fayris, Ruka, Daru, Mayuri, Kurisu and Okabe awkwardly staring at each other.

 

Coughing away her embarrassement, the genius girl eventually said:  
”W-well… There are still many unexplained details left. For example, if I’d really been okay with staying a vampire, why did we end up in this worldline then?”

“Uuuuuuuuh…”, Okabe made and started sweating, “It’s… Complicated.”  
  
”Kukukuku, Fayris knew it all along, in the end, Ku-nyan became a cold blooded kill-…“, the catgirl began but got once again interrupted by Kurisu:  
  
”WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO KEEN ON ME MURDERING SOMEONE!?”  
  
Fayris didn’t answer but cocked her head and winked at the genius girl.  
  
Said person really didn’t know how to interpret that.

 

“W-whatever, it’s getting late, Mayuri has to take the train and we can’t afford a taxi”, the mad scientist eagerly threw in to disband the group.  
  
Looking at his childhood friend who hadn’t said anything for quite some time now, Okabe noticed she had a smile on her face and was fast asleep.  
  
”Hey, Mayuri, it’s time for you to go home”, the mad scientist said gently while shaking her shoulder and soon after, the girl awoke.  
  
Taking Fayris and Ruka with her, Mayuri hugged Kurisu one last time because the girl insisted on staying a little longer.  


Then, only Okabe, Kurisu and Daru were left.  
  
  
”What a shame Fayris-tan had to go, too…”, the super hacker whined.  
  
”Hey…”, the genius girl hesitantly tried to ask Okabe again, “What did happen afterwards?”  
  
Sighing, the mad scientist complied:  
”Okay, just remember it was you who asked for this!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... That happened.  
> ...  
> I REGRET NOTHING!
> 
> This actually would've been a great ending for the story, however, it seems Okabe has left out an important part of it...?


	12. The assistant is busted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had much fun writing this.  
> Hopefully, you'll have fun reading it, too!

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**  
  
  
”I wonder…”, Kurisu talked to herself as she was walking around in a circle, both literally and figuratively, “Why doesn’t the sun actually _burn_ my skin like in the movies? Is it just a misinterpretation caused by modern media or do the symptoms worsen over time? And what about my sense of taste, why did it return? Is it because I’ve finally accepted my true nature?”  
  
  
Okabe was observing his assistant with great pleasure and almost couldn’t hold back a snicker. It was so unlike her to conduct research in the field of vampirism that he had a hard time not slipping then and there.  
  
  
”Hey, Okabe”, Christina turned to the mad scientist at last, “do my teeth seem any longer to you? I mean, I observed their appearance since the day vampires were first brought up but I couldn’t pinpoint any change in them yet.”  
  
Hououin Kyouma put on his best poker face as he spoke:  
”Mmmh, my dear Christina, don’t you realize teeth are essentially dead material? Of course your old canines need to make place for the new ones first, then those will grow to a marvelous length, I’m sure of it! You’ll be the finest young vampire in town.”  
  
His assistant made a ‘hard-thinking-face’ and gasped:  
”You’re right! Why didn’t I see that sooner? It’ll only be a matter of time until I completely look like a vampire, maybe even my reflection in silver will have disappeared by then. I better prepare myself and everyone I know first.”

She then proceeded hesitantly poking her canines to determine if they were already loose.  
  
It was hilarious.  
  
  
”Uuuuuuh, Miss Makise?”, Daru suddenly asked, still sitting in front of his PC like always.  
  
”What is it, Hashida?”, the girl answered and walked over to the desk.  
  
”Have you, by any chance, checked the occultic channel lately?”, the super hacker went on.  
  
”Of course not!”, Christina blurted out and then corrected herself, “I-I mean… What even is this thing you’re talking about, Hashida? I’ve n-never heard of it…”  
  
  
Daru gave her The Stare™.  
  
He showed her the contents of his discovery, anyway:  
On the screen, looking right back at the girl, was… Her own face. Probably the photo she’d been using for her published article in the Sciency magazine.  
But…  
  
”What is the meaning of this!?”, Christina exclaimed and Daru began sweating.  
  
When Okabe approached the scene, the super hacker explained to the genius girl:  
”Looks like someone started a thread about you recently…”  
  
”WHAT!?”, she shouted and took in what was written right next to her photo.  
  
  
The headline read: “TEENAGE GENIUS MAKISE KURISU ACTUALLY A VAMPIRE?”

The following was a detailed description of the happenings on the night before, accompanied by more blurry photos and statements of people who supported the theory and talked about their own experience with her.  
  
The worst thing was that most of the people on this board were completely nuts and believed that Makise Kurisu was, in fact, a vampire.

 

The best comments were:  
  
  
> no wonder why she’s always so pale lolololol

> she didn’t show her face in public for a while, so…

     >> Hey, does someone know where she is at the moment? That description says Akihabara but doesn’t she work in America or something?

            >>> that leader person claims he summoned her straight from America, rofl

> I don’t know guys but this really looks like her, the photos don’t seem fake

> THIS BITCH BIT ME!!! For realz!!! What do I do now!?!?!?

    >> pray :3

> I want her to bite me

    >> me too  
  
          >>> me three  
  
                   >>>> we all want her to bite us but consider this: licking

                               >>>>> I want her to bite me and lick my blood so bad rn  
  
                                             >>>>>> let’s start a petition [link]

> maybe being a vampire made her a genius?

    >> it’s the other way around, bc she’s a genius she turned herself into a vampire  
  
          >>> can’t argue with that, all hail the new vampire queen

                   >>>> don’t forget ‘with the tender age of 18’ and already a vampire lol  
  
                               >>>>> I wrote a poem: all hail the new vampire queen, it’s Makise with the tender age of 18, being a genius made her realize, she’s better off living the vampire life. That’s it

> let’s stalk her from now on, here’s her university’s address [link]  
  
    >> plot twist: Makise stalks us! Then she rips out our hearts probably

           >>> I would thank her

> there’s a new cult now [link]  
  
> I don’t understand any of this but I heard genius and vampire and instantly liked

 

…

  
Okabe couldn’t hold it in anymore:  
”WAHAHAHAHAHA! This…! Hahahaha! This is just priceless! Hahahaha!”  
  
His assistant didn’t take it so lightly however… Without saying a thing, she walked over to the sofa, took the Upa cushion and buried her face into it.  
  
Muffled screaming followed.  
  
  
Okabe wasn’t so sure anymore where this whole vampire thing was going, maybe they’d crossed a line there?

 

“My life… Is ruined”, Kurisu finally let out, “I can never go outside ever again. NEVER AGAIN! It can’t get any worse than this…”  
  
  
Okabe wanted to remind her that things could always take a turn for the worse but he got interrupted by his assistant’s phone ringing.  
  
It was _then_ that things got even worse.  
  
  
Picking up, the genius girl was surprised by the caller and said:  
”S-senpai!? Why are you calling me at this hour, don’t you normally sleep way longer than that?”

  
The caller, who had to be Hiyajo Maho, answered so loudly that everyone could hear her:  
”WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, KURISU!? WHY, IN THE NAME OF EINSTEIN, IS THERE A CULT FILED UNDER YOUR NAME!?”  
  
Kurisu really didn’t know what to say to this anymore.  
  
”THE E-MAILS ARE COMING IN NON-STOP!”, Maho went on, “THEY ARE ALL ASKING TO MEET YOU, INVITE YOU TO STUFF, THREATEN YOUR FAMILY, WANT TO BE BITTEN BY YOU AND…! AND LOTS OF OTHER THINGS I WON’T EVEN MENTION!”  
  
”Uuuh…”, the genius girl made.

How should she break it to her best friend in America? Oh god, she was a scientist too, how could she even begin to explain the mess she’d gotten herself into and make it sound believable?  
  
”What happened to you, Kurisu!?”, Maho desperately wanted to know.  
  
So, the genius girl answered:  
”Uuuh, this will sound strange, but… I… Uuuh… I might have… Turned into a vampire.”  
  
  
On the other side of the line was silence.

Kurisu gulped and continued:  
”Well, after a vampire cat had bitten me (at least we think that was the cause), I somehow ended up like this… And then there was a kidnapping incident and satanists or whatever cultists attacked me so I needed to protect my friends and I might have bitten a guy but it was nothing serious… I also lost my sense of taste temporarily and can’t go outside when there’s extreme sunlight but all in all, I’ll survive.”

There was still silence on the other end of the line.  
  
  
”My canines aren’t showing yet, if that’s what you want to ask”, the genius girl told her friend nervously.  
  
  
”Kurisu…”, Maho finally spoke up.  
  
”Yes?”, the girl answered, awaiting a lot more questions coming her way.  
  
”That’s it. That was the final straw”, her Senpai stated instead, “Whatever they have done to you in that Future Gadget Laboratory to make you go insane, I’m coming to get you. I’m going to drag you back to America, if it’s the last thing I do, Kurisu.”  
  
”Senpai!”, Kurisu wanted to talk Maho out of it but then a click could be heard.  
  
  
She’d hung up.  
  
  
The genius girl stared at her phone for a few seconds.  
Okabe began laughing.  
Daru went on playing eroge games.  
  
  
”WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”, Kurisu wailed and hugged the Upa plushy to death since ‘unfortunate’ wasn’t even a word to describe her predicament anymore.

 

As she was sitting there, pitying herself and her poor life choices, Okabe slowly approached her, handing her a letter.  
  
”W-what’s this?”, the genius girl asked and took the pink envelope with hearts engraved on it.  
  
”Fayris gave it to me since the sender clearly mentioned you in the text, you might want to take a look at it…”, the mad scientist described the situation.

 

Preparing for the worst, Kurisu carefully reopened the envelope and pulled out a rather short piece of paper with little cats in the background and messy, black handwriting:

 

“ _My dearest Fayris-chan,_

  
_I know our relationship has gotten rather strained over time but I beg you to hear me out._  
_I won’t come after you again, I promise._  
_You can work at the maid café May Queen Nyan Nyan for the rest of your life if you like._  
_I mean it._  
_But please. Please._  
_Don’t tell that Makise vampire chick about my misbehaviour and send her after me. I may have done some bad things but I don’t deserve this._  
_I have now realized that you have powerful connections, too. We should let our dispute rest._

  
_On another note, if you think you can forgive me, would you maybe introduce us personally? Me and that Makise-san, I mean. On good terms. I don’t know why but I feel a connection already._  
_I’ve always searched for a woman who could easily wipe out dozens of people at once and after watching that vid and seeing how she dealt with my… Acquaintances…_  
_She looked so badass._  
_Man, she could be the right one, you know?_  
  
_I’m sorry asking you for this but I honestly don’t know what to do._  
_I want to meet her._  
_It may be love at first sight._  
  
  
_Please, help me,_  
_Your now loyal friend 4°C_ ”

 

…

 

The letter fell out of Kurisu’s trembling hands and she let out something resembling a high pitched screech of discomfort.

 

“And? Want to meet your secret admirer?”, Okabe mocked his assistant further.

Her screech couldn’t even be perceived by his ears anymore, maybe it had turned into ultrasound already, calling for her bat friends.

 

“Wow, what the hell, that video file here clearly shows Miss Makise”, Daru shouted from the back of the lab, “I guess her identity is screwed now.”  
  
  
Covering her face with her hands, the girl began sobbing.  
  
Oh no.  
  
Okabe clearly hadn’t intended to make her cry. It all had been a game until now but somehow… Somehow it had taken a turn for the worst possible outcome.  
Everyone believed she was a vampire now.  
  
Everyone!  
  
Wanting to tell her something important, Okabe approached her and sat down beside her. Noticing that, the genius girl lifted her head and said with teary eyes:  
  
”I can’t stay here… If they’re really coming after me and try to dissect me… If they realize you know me, all of you could be in danger. I’m sorry. All of you… The lab… I really had a great time here. Thank you for… F-for always being there a-and believing in me, even… E-even w-when…”  
  
  
Kurisu stopped and wiped away a few tears, giving Okabe time to tell her:  
  
”You are no vampire.”

The girl smiled shakily and responded:  
  
”That’s a nice thing to say… But it’s a lie. You know it and I’m glad you accept me, Okabe. I really am! You haven’t treated me any differently from before I became… A monster… But it’s the truth. You have to save yourself, Okabe!”  
  
Oh god.  
  
Had Kurisu really just…?  
  
Had she spoken of herself as ‘a monster’ like in those sappy teenage dramas where the love interest in question prepared to leave their mortal friend forever!?  
Where was her usual pride? Her spunk? Her determination?  
Since when had she become this emo?  
  
Okabe clearly had crossed a line there. He needed to get his old assistant back, and fast.

 

“I mean it”, he went on, scratching his head, “Actually, you never were a vampire to begin with.”

After exclaiming ‘Huh?’, the girl shook her head and sighed, still not believing him.  
  
  
What had the mad scientist done to her!?  
She firmly believed she was a vampire, herself!

How had he managed to fixate her onto something so completely unscientific?  
  
  
”I need to go now. Thanks or your effort. I’ll pack my things in the hotel for now, I’ll come back before I leave…”, his assistant said and then she stood up from the sofa abruptly, taking her cape and once again running out of the lab’s front door.  
  
  
”There she goes”, Daru mumbled sadly, leaving a dumbfounded Okabe utterly speechless.  
  
  
WHAT HAD HE DONE!?  
He needed to reach her before it was too late!

Running after her, the mad scientist was surprised when he spotted the girl way ahead, he honestly had trouble following her!  
Why was she so fast?

  
’ _Faith can move mountains, they say after all. I’d never thought it to be true!’_ , Okabe thought when he finally caught up to her.  
  
”Wait!”, he shouted and startled her just enough so he could grab her hand before she would run away again.

“W-what are you doing!? Let go of me!”, Kurisu begged him when he dragged her into a dark alley.  
  
  
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**

  
”A dark alley? How ironic”, Daru spoke up, “That’s the part in movies, were the reeeaaaally bad stuff happens. Or… The good stuff, hehehehe…”

Okabe suddenly remembered what part he was about to retell and coughed in embarrassement, keeping the rest very short:  
”So I convinced Christina I’d build the Phonewave (name subject to change) again, sent myself a D-rine and saved her from becoming a vampire altogether. And that’s the reason she shouldn’t learn how to cook anymore. The end.”

“How anticlimactic”, the super hacker mumbled and then returned his focus to his eroge game.  
  
The great Hououin Kyouma had deceived the world, his right hand man included.  
He had won the war of vampire history.  
For now, he could finally rest.  
  
”I’m… I’m on the roof, getting some fresh air”, he told Daru and his assistant, then he walked away quietly without even making one dramatic pose.  
  
Kurisu knew that he’d excluded a certain part of the story.  
Furrowing her eyebrows, she debated with herself if it was worth pressing him further about the topic.

Well…

 

“I-I need some fresh a-air, too!”, she exclaimed and then rushed after the mad scientist.  
  
”Stupid real life couples”, Daru muttered without ever looking up from his screen.

 

When Kurisu stepped out of the door, Okabe was already waiting for her, telling her:  
”I know why you’re here. I want to apologize but I just couldn’t do it with the others around, I’m sorry…”

“H-huh? What do you mean, exactly?”, the genius girl asked.  
  
”All of this wouldn’t have happened if I’d told you sooner”, Okabe sighed, “Okay, then. It’s only… Fair… To tell you the rest. Again, I’m sorry. Please don’t beat me up afterwards.”  
  
What in the world didn’t he tell her?  
Oh great gods, what if this developed into a direction Daru would be proud of…!  
No.  
But…  
There was a feeling she just couldn’t ignore.  
Something… Intimate…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoho, of course Maho would think she's gone insane. And 4°C... Just no.
> 
> With this, we're approaching the final chapter of the story!  
> Was it too crazy? Did you smile a little, at least?  
> Prepare for the (not so) dramatic revelation of the mystery!


	13. The assistant never changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially the last chapter.  
> It's going to be... Dumb. A dumb ending for a dumb story.  
> BUT!  
> Hopefully, it made you laugh now and then.
> 
> Curtain up!

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in another worldline)**

  
  
”I really need to tell you something!”, Okabe huffed and gasped for breath, “So I’m not letting you go!”

“Uh… Uuuuh… If you don’t…”, the girl tried in a meek voice, “I… I’ll probably do something I’ll regret. So let go.”  
  
  
Being squeezed together in this narrow alley, close to each other’s bodys, surrounded by trash cans and cartons… It really was quite the romantic atmosphere, despite everything.

  
Romantic for weird scientists, at least.

 

“No, you won’t!”, Okabe claimed and grabbed her shoulders so she was facing him directly, “And I’m about to tell you the reason why.”

 

To his surprise, the genius girl who was still wearing Mayuri’s cape took off her hood and showed him her still teary eyes, accompanied with a sad smile.  
  
Then, she took a hold of his lab coat…  
  
Dragged him downwards, close to her mouth…  
  
Just like she’d done that day in America.  
  
And then…  
  
Closing his eyes…  
  
He felt her breath coming closer.

  
A whisper reached his ears:  
”I’m sorry…”  
  
He answered her immeadiately:  
”I love you, too…”  
  
And then, finally, her lips…

No, teeth grazed his neck…  
  
…  
  
Wait, what?  
  
  
She hadn’t said ‘I love you’, had she?  
She’d said ‘I’m sorry’ and also she wasn’t about to kiss him right now…

She was about to…!  
  
  
Snapping his eyes open, the mad scientist did the only thing he could think of to prevent his assistant from doing something stupid:  
He covered her mouth with his.  
  
Yes.  
  
He’d done something even more stupid.  
  
It shocked his companion so much that she forgot how to form coherent sentences and didn’t even remember to blush or to close her mouth after he moved his face away from her again.  


“Will you listen to me now?”, the mad scientist asked his assistant, his face resembling a tomato.  
  
She nodded.  
  
What else could she do, anyway?  
He… Had kissed her.  
He… Had said he loved her.  
It wasn’t the first time that had happened but it still made her feel weak.  
And happy.  
So she listened to what he had to tell her.

 

“Like I said…”, he continued, “You are no vampire. The thing you wanted to do just now… I think it’s part of one huuuuuuge placebo effect. Let me explain… It all began the moment I brought that stupid cat into the lab. You remember the device you used that day? It got trashed. Well… Before that, I kind of… I kind of used it to fill your head with occultic things. And… When Zombie got electrocuted… I think it may have left even weirder stuff in your brain than just vampires.”  
  


Kurisu didn’t know what to say. Very slowly, something clicked in her head.  
  
  
”You see… Vampires and cats _do_ share some similarities. I figured it out a few days ago, actually…”, the mad scientist explained further, “The things you experienced… They were all just cat mannerisms, accompanied by a little make believe and input from the occultic channel. Since your brain couldn’t cope with the copied information from Zombie, your body was under extreme stress, resulting in your temporary memory loss. In fact… The reason you wound up at the exact same place where the first blood symbol appeared is also the reason why it appeared there… Kind of.”  
  
”You… You’re not making any sense! Yes, I used the device to stimulate my hippocampus but that doesn’t mean you can just copy the behavioural patterns of a carnivore onto a human brain! That kind of information isn’t compatible, let alone is it possible to perform such a task through… Electrocution! That’s not scientific at all! And… And what about the blood symbols!?”, Kurisu shouted.  
  
”You are the one who thought you were a vampire a few seconds ago, so don’t talk about science!”, Okabe responded, “Anyway… The thing with Zombie is that he apparently loves to play with his food… So the cat kills mice, for example, drags them to some places and a few weirdos out there believe it to be a miracle sent by the demon lord himself… So, the cat became the catalyst for aaaaaallll those symbols and rituals. Don’t ask… The occultic channel enlightened me.”  
  
  
”So…”, the neuroscientist began, “The reason I went to Urushibara-san’s shrine in the middle of the night…”

“Is because you unconsciously got the information to visit Zombie’s usual hunting grounds. And because those cultists had followed the cat there, it was bound to happen that Rukako saw you in front of the symbol, picking up a dead mouse. I really don’t want to know what you did with it, by the way…”, Okabe continued.  
  
”H-he did!? He saw me!? And… EEEWW!! No wonder he was afraid of me…”, the girl pondered while hugging herself inside her cape.  
  
”But what about… What about my sensitivity to light? Or my loss of taste? Or… Reflexes!?”, the genius girl wanted to know.  
  
  
There was no way it could’ve been her imagination alone, right?  
  
  
”Brain stress”, Okabe told her, “Cat taste. More cat mannerisms. And imagination. You know, like when you truly believe it, you can freeze to death, even when it’s actually hot outside?”  
  
His assistant gasped.  
  
But that meant…!  
That meant, _all this time_ … It had been her strength alone!?  
Impressive.  
If she wanted to, she could actually pull it off, running and climbing like that…  
  
Wait…  
  
  
”HEY!”, Kurisu suddenly shouted, “You knew I wasn’t a vampire and still… You let me JUMP OFF A FUCKING TREE!?”  
  
Okabe winced and added:  
”Don’t forget the poor guy you rammed your teeth into. I was really surprised by your determination, I’ll admit.”  
  
”Oh no… Noooooo… I would tell you a lot more reasons why this could never happen but… It somehow did. And to think that I… Believed everything and… Really wanted to… Bite you…”, the poor genius girl admitted and blushed madly while still being confused by the situation.  
  


“You know…”, was the last thing the mad scientist said, “Of all the weird things about you, I never knew you had a biting fetish.”

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
**(in the current worldline)**  
  
  
”Aaaaaaand then you slapped me for being rude and ruining the moment. And then I sent a D-rine to prevent those vampire rumors. So… I’m sorry. Because I did something selfish, you had to suffer. There never were any vampires, you had been right all along”, Okabe concluded.

 

Kurisu was grinning.  
  
Despite being angry at him for lying to her and almost killing her on several occasions…  
She was happy.  
She had been right.  
  
SHE HAD BEEN RIGHT ALL ALONG, YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!  
  
  
Taking out her phone which she’d hidden in her pocket until now, the genius girl pushed a button and Okabe’s confession could be heard:  
’ _So… I’m sorry. Because I did something selfish, you had to suffer. There never were any vampires, you had been right all along._ ’  
  


“Eat your words, Okabe Rintaro!”, she shouted at his disbelieving face while he was fumbling with his phone, too.  
  
  
A few seconds later, another audio file was played:  
’ _You win. Vampires exist. I was a vampire. There is no other explanation. I was a vampire._ ’

  
”HAH! You can never beat Hououin Kyouma in his own game! You’re just a pathetic assistant, after all!”, Okabe exclaimed and laughed at the girl’s angry but useless tries to get a hold of his phone.

“Okabeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…!”, Kurisu growled like always when he was about to navigate himself into deep trouble, “I swear, I’ll bite you for real, this time!”  
  
”Oh, really?”, the mad scientist mocked her, “Then I’ll just do it like last time and kiss you again, since you’re always so _thirsty_ for love!”

 

Turning completely red, both of them somehow managed to fight through their embarrassement, as long as they could throw insults at each other.

 

It could have lasted all night long, actually.  
  
_It could have_ , hadn’t there been another tiny distraction…

 

BOOM!  
  
  
  
Turning around in shock, both Okabe and Kurisu saw something materialize on the roof, something they’d hoped to never see again…  
  
It was a time machine.  
  
  
Staring at each other, their positions still frozen in mid argument, the scientists had to watch as yet again, a girl named Suzuha climed out of the fake satellite.  
  
They sighed.  
  
”Hey, what’s uuuuuuup!?”, she exclaimed and added in a more serious tone:  
”I know it might be shocking, but…”  
  
”You’re a time traveler named Amane Suzuha”, Okabe said.  
  
”And you’re probably from the year 2036”, Kurisu said.  
  
”Eh… W-whaa…!?”, Suzuha stuttered.

 

She hadn’t even explained anything yet!

 

“So, what disaster are you warning us about, this time? Is it SERN?”, Okabe asked her.

“Or is it World War III?”, the neuroscientist wanted to know.  
  
”Eeeeeeeeeeeh…!?”, the girl with the braids let out and then continued:  
”O-of course it’s nothing as silly as that, what are you talking about!?”

 

Kurisu and Okabe seemed relieved, but only for a moment.  
What could have led the time traveler to visit them, then?

 

“Ahem”, Suzuha cleared her throat, “My mission is to prevent the argument you’re both going to have which’ll make you decide to live apart for 3 years and possibly leads to the Zombie Apocalypse of 2034!”

 

Okabe squinted at Suzuha.  
He then squinted at Kurisu.  
She squinted back.  
Huh.  
  
That was… New.  
  
  
In that moment, Daru came running to them, also not believing his eyes.  
  
”Oh, good! The best man has arrived!”, Suzuha exclaimed at the sight, handed him a small black box and told him:  
”We can do it, dad! We’ll save the future! This is what I’ve been training for my whole life!”  
  
Opening the box, Daru’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets, leaving him stuttering:  
”B-But t-this… I-i-i-is…!”  
  
Handing the two scientists a certificate that read ‘priest’, Suzuha soon began speaking:  
”Since we’ve all come together here… I’ll skip that part. By the power vested in me, I now declare you, Okabe Rintaro, and you, Makise Kurisu, husband and wife. You may now kiss and hopefully won’t get the idea of living on different continents anymore.”

 

How…  
  
Just… How…  
  
HOW HAD IT COME TO THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!?  
  
  
  
  
Anyway…  
This, dear children, is why in some households the man needs to learn cooking for his wife and not the other way around.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.
> 
> Suzuha is probably 50% of the whole fandom. Just get married already!
> 
> Thanks for reading this... Thing.  
> Crawling back into my hole, I shall now leave you to the short epilogue.  
> Sayonara everyone!


	14. EPILOGUE

   
“ _And they lived happily ever after…_ What a great story! The crazy but caring university student and the tsundere genius girl got together in the end, even when she turned into a vampire. He didn’t give up on her… The person writing this really has talent. It’s so… I-it’s s-so… BEAUTIFUUUUL, WHAAAAAH!”  
  
“CHRISTINA! I knew you were a narcissist but you don’t need to take it _that_ far. Are you honestly reading fanfiction about yourself again!?“  
  
”N-NO…!”  
  
”You know that probably 90% of those are written by Shining Finger?”

“Really…!? Wait…”

“Uh oh.”

“YOU’RE READING THEM, TOO!?”  
  
”…”  
  
”I can’t believe you!”

“So, what? The one… With the… With the beautiful sunset and… Your car… That one was really good.”

“… Okabe… You’re actually quite romantic… Even if you are an idiot.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (＾◇＾）ノ


End file.
